rrrL
Jan 20, 2010
Undergraduate / An event that has impacted your life. (NCF) [6]
I really enjoyed reading your essay, but I have a few suggestions.
"Japan intrigues me. It strikes me as a country of great beauty, great culture, and great food (although I did not always think so). " I think you should merge these two sentences.
Your sentence, "She said of course, but where was I staying so that she could tell me how far away I would be." try changing to, "She agreed and asked where I would be staying..."
I hope that helps! (:
I really enjoyed reading your essay, but I have a few suggestions.
"Japan intrigues me. It strikes me as a country of great beauty, great culture, and great food (although I did not always think so). " I think you should merge these two sentences.
Your sentence, "She said of course, but where was I staying so that she could tell me how far away I would be." try changing to, "She agreed and asked where I would be staying..."
I hope that helps! (: