nishh
Feb 1, 2010
Undergraduate / writing an essay on a topic of my choice for uni application [5]
pls criticize on this essay i wrote. Im not very happy with this and would luv any opinions, thanks
i found it difficult to write anything with me as the subject, so i used a bird instead.
A Bird's tale
The time had come for me to move out from my mother's nest and start out on my own. To my little inexperienced eyes, I found outside a vast strange place where I might get lost if I wandered too far from familiar territory. But I was still eager and determined to make the best out of my new found freedom.
I went all out to befriend other birds and learn new things. I enjoyed gathering sweet ripe berries and playing in water. I also taught myself to make a firm, safe nest within the terrain which would not break down during bad weather. Fortunately, the weather was constantly calm and predators were rarely seen from where I nest. I was content with my life. But just as I thought everything was going great, the day came when a predator came upon me in my nest. Sure, I had made certain I stayed within territory and made my nest safe from bad weather, but in the end, that had not been enough to keep me entirely safe from other threats. Luckily I survived the attack with only scratches on my body, but it did not match the great scar the incident had left within me. I was shocked; my conscience could not accept the fact. And on top of that, other birds pitied me, putting salt on my already wounded pride.
While my body was slowly healing, I had plenty of time to think back and fully understand what had happened. Believing that I would be safe just because I stayed close to home and that it would keep me away from dangers had been foolish thinking on my part. The latter episode had obviously hurt my self confidence, but not to the point that I wanted to give up. Looking over the horizon, I finally decided that instead of just mourning and licking my wounds, I had to go on because that was what life was about.
I realized that the incidence had left me with new found strength and faith in myself which had lacked when I first stepped out from my mother's nest and I was not about to just let it be. I was much more ready now, to soar high up into the air, facing obstacles head-on as they come.
pls criticize on this essay i wrote. Im not very happy with this and would luv any opinions, thanks
i found it difficult to write anything with me as the subject, so i used a bird instead.
A Bird's tale
The time had come for me to move out from my mother's nest and start out on my own. To my little inexperienced eyes, I found outside a vast strange place where I might get lost if I wandered too far from familiar territory. But I was still eager and determined to make the best out of my new found freedom.
I went all out to befriend other birds and learn new things. I enjoyed gathering sweet ripe berries and playing in water. I also taught myself to make a firm, safe nest within the terrain which would not break down during bad weather. Fortunately, the weather was constantly calm and predators were rarely seen from where I nest. I was content with my life. But just as I thought everything was going great, the day came when a predator came upon me in my nest. Sure, I had made certain I stayed within territory and made my nest safe from bad weather, but in the end, that had not been enough to keep me entirely safe from other threats. Luckily I survived the attack with only scratches on my body, but it did not match the great scar the incident had left within me. I was shocked; my conscience could not accept the fact. And on top of that, other birds pitied me, putting salt on my already wounded pride.
While my body was slowly healing, I had plenty of time to think back and fully understand what had happened. Believing that I would be safe just because I stayed close to home and that it would keep me away from dangers had been foolish thinking on my part. The latter episode had obviously hurt my self confidence, but not to the point that I wanted to give up. Looking over the horizon, I finally decided that instead of just mourning and licking my wounds, I had to go on because that was what life was about.
I realized that the incidence had left me with new found strength and faith in myself which had lacked when I first stepped out from my mother's nest and I was not about to just let it be. I was much more ready now, to soar high up into the air, facing obstacles head-on as they come.