Tolo
Feb 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "Magical Fluids": college admission essay. [7]
Hello Essay Forum.
I am kind of very nervous with my essay and i really need proofread.
I worte the essay based on my personal experience. I tired to write the essay as concise as possible.
Please comment on content, grammar and many more things
Thank you.
Magical fluids
Since I have a weak heart, I cry easily. People say that a man should be strong and courageous but although I try my best I cannot endure the wave of tears striking me with emotion. I think I would never be able to endure tears from flowing. Maybe this is who I am.
My tears were unpredictable - it bursted our regardless of time and place. When I was in the kindergarten I had to prepare public speaking for a few months. I decided to say about my family and started to collect information with little a bit of excitement and nervousness. Finally the day had arrived and I went on to the stage. As I stood up on the stage, I cried out loud in front of hundreds of people.
Until I graduate the kindergarten, my father and grandmother used to tell me that my mother lives in America studying really hard. I believed them because they were my family. When my friend sometimes approached me and asked "Where is your mother?" I proudly answered them that she is in America studying a lot. But my friends looked as if they were struggling to decide what to believe. Ultimately they believed me but I had to re-convince them when questions like "is it true?" and "you are not lying right?" were asked. However my self-confidence was destroyed in Grade 1 when number of my friends bullied me by saying "you do not have mother!" Every time they did so, I walked home crying.
I heard the truth from my grandmother. She told me that my mother was not studying in America but past away when I was only 6 months old due to an accident. The truth was shocking. Tears exploded out of my eyes. I hated to consider myself as a motherless child and I hated the fact that my friends knew better about my mother. I buried my face in my grandmother's chest and cried.
My father dislikes me when I cry. He lost his wife, fought against diabetes for 22 years and raised 3 kids. It was obvious that my father wanted me to grow up with strong heart. However when I hear my relatives saying bad things about my father, I cannot stand up and defend my father. All I can do is to go to my room and quietly sort out my complicated mind and calm myself down with tears.
I cry because I am a human. I cry easily because I am a different than the others. I do not regret or feel ashamed of my cryings in the past. If I did not cry in the public speaking event, I would not have any memory about the incident. If I did not cry my grandmother might have kept the truth much longer. If I stood up and defended my father, I do not think I could have stayed in South Africa. For me, tears are not just water droplets. They are magical fluids.
Hello Essay Forum.
I am kind of very nervous with my essay and i really need proofread.
I worte the essay based on my personal experience. I tired to write the essay as concise as possible.
Please comment on content, grammar and many more things
Thank you.
Magical fluids
Since I have a weak heart, I cry easily. People say that a man should be strong and courageous but although I try my best I cannot endure the wave of tears striking me with emotion. I think I would never be able to endure tears from flowing. Maybe this is who I am.
My tears were unpredictable - it bursted our regardless of time and place. When I was in the kindergarten I had to prepare public speaking for a few months. I decided to say about my family and started to collect information with little a bit of excitement and nervousness. Finally the day had arrived and I went on to the stage. As I stood up on the stage, I cried out loud in front of hundreds of people.
Until I graduate the kindergarten, my father and grandmother used to tell me that my mother lives in America studying really hard. I believed them because they were my family. When my friend sometimes approached me and asked "Where is your mother?" I proudly answered them that she is in America studying a lot. But my friends looked as if they were struggling to decide what to believe. Ultimately they believed me but I had to re-convince them when questions like "is it true?" and "you are not lying right?" were asked. However my self-confidence was destroyed in Grade 1 when number of my friends bullied me by saying "you do not have mother!" Every time they did so, I walked home crying.
I heard the truth from my grandmother. She told me that my mother was not studying in America but past away when I was only 6 months old due to an accident. The truth was shocking. Tears exploded out of my eyes. I hated to consider myself as a motherless child and I hated the fact that my friends knew better about my mother. I buried my face in my grandmother's chest and cried.
My father dislikes me when I cry. He lost his wife, fought against diabetes for 22 years and raised 3 kids. It was obvious that my father wanted me to grow up with strong heart. However when I hear my relatives saying bad things about my father, I cannot stand up and defend my father. All I can do is to go to my room and quietly sort out my complicated mind and calm myself down with tears.
I cry because I am a human. I cry easily because I am a different than the others. I do not regret or feel ashamed of my cryings in the past. If I did not cry in the public speaking event, I would not have any memory about the incident. If I did not cry my grandmother might have kept the truth much longer. If I stood up and defended my father, I do not think I could have stayed in South Africa. For me, tears are not just water droplets. They are magical fluids.