Alexjewkes
Apr 21, 2010
Writing Feedback / Football match - Creative essay; 'The tension was getting more and more intense' [3]
Dear reader,
Please read the essay below and give me some feedback on how I can improve on my writing skills.
Thanks in advance!
Fotball match
The tension was getting more and more intense. We were sitting in the dressing room waiting to go out to Wembley Stadium.The dream stadium of every player's carrer.I couldn't believe it that we had made it this far. We beat the Europe's best team on the semi-finals. Crewe Alexander football team had pretty well done the impossible to reach the finals as they a team from the lowest tier of the English football leagues. Graham Jones was the wonder kid having scored in the semi finals as a 17 year old reserve.
We lined up and walked out to the pitch. It was a dream come true for me and my teamates.The crowd and the buzz around the ground. Eighty thousand people in the ground and millions more watching on tv.We knew we could do this and we had done it before. Looking over to the west stand I could see the sea of red. The thousands of supports that has traveled miles to watch this epic FA cup final.
The referee's whistle came and Chelsea had the ball. We were pushed back and were desperately defending Chelsea's fierce attack. They hit the post and thanks to some fantastic saves we were still in it. After 35 minutes we had our first threatening attack. A good run by Jamie Roberts down the left flank with a good cross into the six yard box. I ran towards it and dived for the ball. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my ankle, a Chelsea defender had fouled me and I was awarded with a penalty. I was the captain and I had the job to put the ball in the back of the net from the twelve yard spot. I stepped over the ball and my heart rate was 150.Here I was in front of millions of people watching having to score from a pentaly.I eyed the top left corner and kicked the ball. The ball flew to the corner but in found the post. I had missed the pentaly.I knew I had let my team down and that made me even more determined to make up from it.
After a long and hard first half we went back in the dressing room and our manager gave us a briefing on what we needed to do in the second half. I tried to listen but my mind wasn't there. I can't believe I had missed that penalty. We were back on the field and it was a very evenly matched second half with chances to each team. We played good attaching football but just couldn't find that cutting edge. The whistle blew loudly and the match had to go in extra time. We were all tried but the hunger of winning drove us on to new limits .We walked out on the pitch and were as determined as ever to win this match. We had a good chance but failed to score in the first half so the game would have to go on to the second half of extra time.
The game kept going and there was no sign a winner would be found. Each team matched the other ball from ball, man for man and this would certainly go on to be a penalty shootout. Chelsea had a corner at the last minute of extra time. Defender Johnny Terry headed the ball and I raced to towards it and I ran towards the Chelsea goal. Chelsea had pushed all their players forward and had only one defender in front of goal. I ran and ran as quick as I have ever ran. I knew somewhere in that sea of red was my father.I couldn't see him but I knew he was there willing me and cheering me on . I flicked the ball over the Chelsea defender and aimed at the near post. I kicked it perfectly and it flew straight in the back of the net. GOAL! I couldn't believe it that I had won the game and was the captain of a FA cup winning team. The crowd went wild and I was their hero!
I was handed over the trophy and I and lifted it up and shouted 'Crewe forever!'.It was a team's work and everyone did their job. We had done it. The greatest story ever in football. The unheard of Crewe had won the famous FA cup. Everyone called us the wonders.
Dear reader,
Please read the essay below and give me some feedback on how I can improve on my writing skills.
Thanks in advance!
Fotball match
The tension was getting more and more intense. We were sitting in the dressing room waiting to go out to Wembley Stadium.The dream stadium of every player's carrer.I couldn't believe it that we had made it this far. We beat the Europe's best team on the semi-finals. Crewe Alexander football team had pretty well done the impossible to reach the finals as they a team from the lowest tier of the English football leagues. Graham Jones was the wonder kid having scored in the semi finals as a 17 year old reserve.
We lined up and walked out to the pitch. It was a dream come true for me and my teamates.The crowd and the buzz around the ground. Eighty thousand people in the ground and millions more watching on tv.We knew we could do this and we had done it before. Looking over to the west stand I could see the sea of red. The thousands of supports that has traveled miles to watch this epic FA cup final.
The referee's whistle came and Chelsea had the ball. We were pushed back and were desperately defending Chelsea's fierce attack. They hit the post and thanks to some fantastic saves we were still in it. After 35 minutes we had our first threatening attack. A good run by Jamie Roberts down the left flank with a good cross into the six yard box. I ran towards it and dived for the ball. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my ankle, a Chelsea defender had fouled me and I was awarded with a penalty. I was the captain and I had the job to put the ball in the back of the net from the twelve yard spot. I stepped over the ball and my heart rate was 150.Here I was in front of millions of people watching having to score from a pentaly.I eyed the top left corner and kicked the ball. The ball flew to the corner but in found the post. I had missed the pentaly.I knew I had let my team down and that made me even more determined to make up from it.
After a long and hard first half we went back in the dressing room and our manager gave us a briefing on what we needed to do in the second half. I tried to listen but my mind wasn't there. I can't believe I had missed that penalty. We were back on the field and it was a very evenly matched second half with chances to each team. We played good attaching football but just couldn't find that cutting edge. The whistle blew loudly and the match had to go in extra time. We were all tried but the hunger of winning drove us on to new limits .We walked out on the pitch and were as determined as ever to win this match. We had a good chance but failed to score in the first half so the game would have to go on to the second half of extra time.
The game kept going and there was no sign a winner would be found. Each team matched the other ball from ball, man for man and this would certainly go on to be a penalty shootout. Chelsea had a corner at the last minute of extra time. Defender Johnny Terry headed the ball and I raced to towards it and I ran towards the Chelsea goal. Chelsea had pushed all their players forward and had only one defender in front of goal. I ran and ran as quick as I have ever ran. I knew somewhere in that sea of red was my father.I couldn't see him but I knew he was there willing me and cheering me on . I flicked the ball over the Chelsea defender and aimed at the near post. I kicked it perfectly and it flew straight in the back of the net. GOAL! I couldn't believe it that I had won the game and was the captain of a FA cup winning team. The crowd went wild and I was their hero!
I was handed over the trophy and I and lifted it up and shouted 'Crewe forever!'.It was a team's work and everyone did their job. We had done it. The greatest story ever in football. The unheard of Crewe had won the famous FA cup. Everyone called us the wonders.