Undergraduate / ADMISSION ESSAY TO PSYCHOLOGY PROGRAM (in a university in HK) [2]

Many thanks in advance for reading this.

I am planning to go back to school and I am applying for a psychology program in a university in HK. This essay is optional. Here is the requirement:

Please provide information which supports your application, such as reason for application, career aspiration, personal strengths, hobbies and interests, voluntary services, etc.

As my first degree GPA was rather low, I want to use the essay to increase my chance of getting accepted...

Here is the theme of my essay:

i want to state that I am applying the psychology program because i want to make a better change in my career and i believe it is a career which can make a change in the world by contributing to well-being of people. and i am determined to pursue in this profession that I will do whatever it takes to do it.

Here's my essay:

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."-- Barack Obama

Change is an inevitable block that every successful being would stumble on at some point at his/her life journey. And this is the particular reason why, I have decided to apply for the HKBU psychology program; and this is the particular reason why, I want to make a change, not only in my own career path, but also making a difference in our world, through studying psychology.

Every day we face many challenges; sometimes things seem more delusional than (/what they really are?) real; some of the basic human values are being distorted in our complicated world. Some of us have become so obsessed with our mundane lives(/earthly concerns?) that we have overlooked the basic meaning of life - the pursuit of happiness.

So how can I make a change? This is the question which I have been asking myself repeatedly for the last couple of months. I felt I had struck (is this the right work?) an answer one night when one of my friends' left a rather melancholic, despairing comment on Facebook that had really caught my eyes.

Being a little older, I sympathized with her situation, for that I have been through the same struggle and feeling of lost once in my life. I approached her and made the lengthiest discussion online I had ever done, not in giving her any specific guidance but rather letting her understand that every life has its ups and downs, trials and tribulations; no one would be immune from it.

Looking back at myself for all these years, I realized how much I have grown and changed. I have had my time of adversity, my dark time through emotional struggles. And I considered myself to be very fortunate to have friends who mentored and directed me, giving me all the encouragement and support I needed to get back on track. I wanted to do the same for my little friend. I saw her as the past "me".

After all, I must also admit that this was what had dragged down my undergrad years results. (not sure if I should include this part?) I tripped, I fell, I got up and I moved on. I am contented that I have overcome these hurdles.

I have been trying different jobs to explore about the meaning of life since graduation. Though my initial years of working as a Marketing Executive in an office might have given me a stable income and steady career advancement, I felt that it had bounded/limited my creativity and I felt I have not fully realize my potential. (should I include this part, as I do not want to sound negative) It was time to move on, to fulfill my dreams.

I first started out tutoring as a part-time job but soon I decided to take on it as my full-time commitment. I realized I truly started to come out of my shadow. Though teaching English as a foreign language is never easy, the personal rewards are beyond description. My three years of teaching and voluntary work not only has given me the pleasure of seeing the children sprout, but also the opportunity to understand the art of giving to others and deriving from it a sense of spirit and inspiration. However, I know that I must not stop here. I cannot stay on this plateau forever, I must advance myself to endeavor something greater.

So here I am now, standing at the pivotal point of my life where I am striving for a change to reach upon the star and(does this sound weird?) fulfill my dreams. I am determined to proceed/pursue in a profession where the dedication to the well-being of mankind, would coincide with my own principles of giving and caring for others, my thirst for knowledge, and my passion for continuous improvement. I am ready to go forward to take on a new path.

Please kindly comment and correct any grammatic mistake. Many many thanks!!!