Writing Feedback / Essay on the Greate Gatsby novel [4]

this is my English assignment, and I don't do very well when it comes to writing essays esp. essay structure, I always get it wrong. I will post the question then my essay (I appreciate any feedback in regard to essay structure or grammar):

Question: Everything in The Great Gatsby is seen in two ways: on theone hand as glamorou, romantic, and exciting, and on the other as crude,corrupt or even disgusting. This double vision applies to people, places, and events. In a unified essay of from 750 to 1000 words, show how this is true, and explain its significance, using specific references to the novel to support your ideas.

my thesis: The Great Gatsby has two views to depict the Jazz age (I don't know if I got my thesis right!)

My essay:
Student Name: Yaman Asaf

The Great Gatsby Double Vision

There are only few people that know the term "Jazz music" implies a type of music played during the Jazz Age (the era after the World War I). The Great Gatsby is considered to be one of the greatest love stories, and one of the best novels to depict the Jazz Age. During this time everything appears to be excessive, confusing, and unreal. The novel explores the American dream in this time and relates it to this excessiveness. The author F. Scott Fitzgerald successfully demonstrated the social and economical conditions by contrasting two opposing views, in which one view is pleasant, glamorous, romantic and exciting, and the other is unpleasant, crude, corrupt, and even disgusting. These contradictory views could be seen in places, events, and people that are mentioned in the novel.

Some of the places in The Great Gatsby showed pleasant views, and others showed unpleasant views. East Egg is described by Nick as a beautiful place "Across the courtesy bay the white palaces of fashionable East Egg glittered along the water" [1] and also he provides a contradictory view "The whole town is desolate. All the cars have the left rear wheel painted black as a mourning wreath, and there's a persistent wail all night along the north shore." [2]. West Egg could be seen as raw, unstructured, frightening in one view and on the other hand it's seen as a pleasant place where people come from any place to have fun at Gatsby's parties, and it's considered a place full of potential as Nick quotes "some unbelievable guest might arrive, and a person infinitely rare, and to be marveled at" [3]. New York also have pleasant views just like West Egg, it's full of possibilities and potentialities. Nick imagines "romantic women" in New York to highlight the romantic view; exciting views could also be seen as Nick describes his adventure to New York "There was laughter from unheard jokes, and lighted cigarettes outlines unintelligible gestures inside. Imagining that I, too, was hurrying toward gayety and sharing their intimate excitement" [4] New York could also have unpleasant view, it's a place where people cheat, an example would be Tom having an affair with Myrtle at New York, and it's full of violence for an example Henry L. Palmetto commits suicide in front of a subway train, and Rosy Rosenthal gets killed. The Valley of Ashes is utterly a disgusting place, as it's a place where there is no love, no life, and no god. Nick describes the unpleasant view of this place "This is a Valley of Ashes- a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges, and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally with a transcendent effort, of men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air" [5] The Valley of Ashes doesn't have any pleasant views because it serves to contrast New York and the Eggs. The significance of having opposing views in places is to show how economical conditions affect places. For an example: East Egg is compared with West Egg to show that old rich people live in a well established and structured place whereas New rich people live in raw, and unstructured place. The Ashe Valley is inhabited by the poorest people and seen to be one of the most disgusting places of all places mentioned. Places affect characters as they enter and leave the place, and economy also affects characters.

Moreover characters are examined by contrasting the main characters for pleasant and unpleasant views. Daisy is described as a fairy tale girl as quoted "High in a white palace the king's daughter, the golden girl..." [6] This implies that she's a dream type of a woman as it serves to highlight the romantic view. Daisy is also seen as glamorous as quoted "her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes, and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget" [7] Daisy's undesirable view is seen in her dishonesty as she meets Gatsby and doesn't tell Tom about it, and is seen in her carelessness about things, as she is accused of a hit and run driver during Myrtle accident. Jordan is much like Daisy in way, she is a fairy tale woman as quoted "both in white and their dresses...rippling and fluttering as if they had just been blown back in after a short flight around the house."[8] Mostly Jordan shows undesirable views, as she is not as glamorous as Daisy, she has an athletic body that is a masculine type of body, she is not physically attractive as myrtle nor Daisy, she is dishonest as she cheats when playing golf and act as facilitator of a dishonest act when helping Gatsby with his affair with Daisy, she is insecure as she seeks attention from poplar girls in town, she is a careless driver as well, she is not romantic and a material type of girl. Tom is rich, ignorant, racist, and aggressive type of person which made him a despicable character as quoted by Nick "there were men at New Haven who hated his guts" [9]; and he could also be seen as a cruel and frightening person as Nicks narrates " Not even the effeminate swank of his riding clothes could hide the enormous power of that body- he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscles shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage- a cruel body "[10]. There were desirable views that could be seen in Tom such that he is considered to be a romantic person, and a humorous person, an example of his humor could be seen when he makes racist remarks and Daisy laughs at him, and when he makes remarks about Gatsby's car to be a circus wagon which makes the reader laugh, his masculine type of body makes him a glamorous and good looking figure. He is also seen as an innocent child as quoted by Nick "I felt suddenly as though I was talking to a child" [11] which make him a desirable character. Gatsby is glamorous, he brings excitement as he hosts parties which are exciting and fun, and he is seen as a romantic figure. Gatsby has been seen as a criminal as some people talked about him and accused him of being a friend of Wolfshiem, and he may have murdered someone, he was also accused of doing illegal activities such as bootlegging behind the drugstore counters he allegedly owns. Nick is considered to be an ideal character to show the duality during the Jazz age because he is known to be full of contradictions, and he is a person who could see things in two ways. One view he is seen as romantic as quoted "I liked to walk up to Fifth Avenue and pick out romantic women from the crowd and imagine that in a few minutes I was going to enter into their lives..." [12] Nick is like the other characters, he is also dishonest as he had an affair with a woman in his office before breaking up with the woman from his hometown, and he acted as a facilitator in doing a dishonest act as he brings Daisy to his house to meet Gatsby. Wilson desirable views could be seen in his weakness as was quoted by Nick "Wilson is a blond spiritless man, anemic" [13] and quoted by Tom "He is so dumb he doesn't know he's alive" [14] his weakness and honesty for not cheating on his wife highlights the desirable view about Wilson. The undesirable view could also be seen in Wilson as he is not glamorous and good looking as the other characters, he kills Gatsby, and simply he is seen as a death figure. Myrtle is seen as a glamorous person as quoted by Nick "There was an immediately perceptible vitality about her as if the nerves of her body were continually smoldering" [15] Sexual excitement could also be seen as Myrtle describes her meeting with Tom "I was so excited that when I got into a taxi with him I didn't hardly know I wasn't getting into a subway train. All I kept thinking about, over and over, was you can't live forever, you can't live forever" [16]. The undesirable view could be seen as she is a dishonest person who cheats on her husband, she is a social pretender as was quoted by Nick "The intense vitality that had been so remarkable in the garage was converted into impressive hauteur, her laughter, her gestures, her assertions became more violently affected moment by moment..." [17], she is a violent person just like Tom, she fights and shouts at her husband, and she shouts at Tome when she tries to get on his nerves by calling out loud "Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!" shouted Mrs. Wilson. "I'll say it whenever I want to! Daisy! Dai--" [18], she is a careless person like the other characters, and her carelessness lead to her death when she was crossing the street without paying any attention to incoming cars. All characters were contrasted and showed opposing views to signify that economical conditions affects social conditions which could be seen in characters contrasted differences. For an example: Rich people are seen as more glamorous, snobby, violent, careless and aloof people whereas poor people are seen to be less glamorous, more innocent, and have more fun in their lives. Characters are affected by economical condition, places they inhabit, and in turn they affect the outcome of events as they create them.

Moreover major events are contrasted for opposing views. Gatsby's parties show energy, humor, and excitement of the social atmosphere of the twenties, where people drank, danced, laughed, and there were women who fought with men they claimed to be their husband. There are also undesirable views about Gatsby's parties, as the people attended them seemed to be fake, less realistic as some of them had animal names such as the Leeches, Doctor Webster, the Hornbeams, and a whole bunch of other animal names. Gatsby's last party is unpleasant as Nick quotes "There were the same people, the same profusion of champagne, the same many-colored, many-keyed commotion, but I felt an unpleasantness in the air, a pervading harshness that hadn't been there before" [19] Daisy's rejection of Gatsby's parties highlights the unpleasantness of one of Gatsby's parties. In contrast to Gatsby's parties, Tom's parties were utterly unpleasant as it was described small, claustrophobic, boring, unbearable as the smoke filled the room, and violent as Myrtle fights with Tom. There were other numerous unpleasant events ranging from all sorts of crimes and violence such as drinking alcohol which was prohibited at that time, Jordan cheating at sport, Gatsby and Wolfshiem were selling alcohol over the counter in their drugstores, Gatsby invites Nick to get involved in illegal business, Wolfshiems fixes the World Series, Tom assaults Myrtle, Ella Kaye possibly murdered Dan Cody, Daisy careless driving leads to Myrtle death, Gatsby possibly has killed a man, Tom assaulting both Daisy and Myrtle. Wilson kills Gatsby then kills himself. Gatsby's funeral was disturbing because such a great figure didn't have many people attending his funeral. The significance of having these opposing views in events is to show the corruption seen during the Jazz Age, for an example: taboos such as drinking alcohol were lifted; people became more careless, and more violent than before.

So far the opposing views for most of the major places, people and events were examined to illustrate the economical and social conditions that could be seen during the Jazz Age. Opposing views in places showed how economy affects the perspective of a place from being seen as the most pleasant and ordered place to the most disordered and disgusting place. Differing views in people showed how economical status affects the character from being pleasant and glamorous to being ugly and most disturbing. Also contradictory views in events showed that economical growth brings excitement and hopes; conversely it leads to corruption such as violence, and cheating. The Great Gatsby also played a role to explore the American dream during a time of corruption, where everything is seen as excessive, and excessiveness in dreaming could lead to undesirable outcome. Gatsby is considered to be a dreamer and he dreamt excessively which marked the end of his dreams and lead to his tragic death. Overall The Great Gatsby demonstrated a great sense of illusion and glamour that made the novel an exceptional model to depict the Jazz Age.

Works Cited

Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Scribner, 1999.

Writing Feedback / "George Richman" - need revision help on writing a narrative [3]

one of my assignments asks me to write a narrative involving a central character of my own creation, who is interacting with a fictional place. I am to make a plot that satisfies -the following criteria (no need to write a story):

-the central character must enter the place
-there must be a reason for his or her entrance
-the character must observe the place before being involved in action within it
-the character must meet at least with one other person in the place
-the place must have some effect on the central character and the character must react in some way to that effect
-the interaction between the characters must be influenced by the conditions of the place
-staying or leaving the place must become an issue
-there must be a climax in which a decision to stay or leave is made acted on
the climatic decision must have an important effect on the central character's relationship with the other characters
-the central character must be changed by his or her experience in the place.

I need help on grammatical error, spellings, and perhaps some feedback on whether my plot correctly meets the criteria mentioned above. The following is my actual work for this assignment (thanks for your help):

Plot:

George Richman is a business man, who lives in Poor City which is a quite place, desolate, mixed with various social classes, and it's known to be a place of innocence where the lion lies with the sheep. Just recently he finds a new business opportunity in the newspaper at a city called Rich City for a company called Design Exchange. He is not very certain about the details of this business until he meets with Mr. Galloway at Rich City to explain to him the details of the business as he only knew from what was advertised in the newspaper, that it's some sort of design exchange business, where it involves the trade of rare items from all over the world. George Richman observes Rich City from his car as he drives to meet Mr. Galloway. The streets looked very crowded, noisy, Emergency vehicle siren could be heard more frequently than he is used to hear them at Poor City, the temperature is very high, the traffic is jammed, George is about to be late for his business meeting with Mr. Galloway, he gets irritated, gets out of his car and starts yelling at everyone to keep moving their cars; he reacted this way because he is not used to the city and may need to spend some more time in the city to get accustomed to it.

The fast movement of people and the hot temperature affects the interactions between the two characters as both George and Galloway talk faster, and the pace of the meeting goes faster. At night time, everything seemed to slow down, the streets are less crowded, and it's quieter, George meets Galloway again for a second meeting, and both of them talk to each other in a relaxed manner and the details of the business is much more comprehensible than that it was during the first meeting. George understood his job responsibility as he is to meet new clients and market the rare items they have in stock. Day after day George meets new people, improves his skills in selling rare items, and slowly he gets accustomed to the new place. George is expecting to get a raise, however his manager Galloway would be expecting more of George before he grants him any raise.

During one summer day, Rich City was glooming with beauty, the trees are fully grown, and everything is green, the breeze of air is so pleasant that it couldn't be forgotten, people on the street seemed to be more joyful, the pleasant atmosphere had a positive affect on George as he looked more splendid and handsome when he met Lisa at a coffee shop whom he falls in love with her. Lisa is a slim girl, very beautiful, and she is also a business woman, doing business in design exchange, it's similar to George's business however she was working for different company called Rare Designs. After few years George excels in business and becomes a vital worker for Design Exchange. Excelling in business affects George's relationship with Galloway as they become very close friends.

George encountered a series of unpleasant events such as being robbed by street organized gangs for several times, seeing people getting shot on the streets and in restaurants, hearing stories about men cheating on their wives and vice versa, observing people cheat in business, and seeing all types of corruptions has made the place become unbearable which made him for many times to think about leaving the place. After few years pass by, George's ex girl friend Alicia hears about his success, and she starts to send him correspondence requesting him to come back to Poor City and marry her during which time he finds a new business opportunity in doing car exchange business at Poor City that would be more profitable than working at Design Exchange, so it becomes a very critical decision to make whether to stay or leave the place. George likes Alicia more than he likes Lisa, and due to social class differences between him and Alicia he wasn't able to marry her at that time when he was living at Poor City, and now he is rich he could achieve his dreams however he may face objections from her parents but still he was willing to take the risk. Also the new business opportunity at Poor City is not guaranteed, and it may not be a successful business however he was determined to take the risk regardless. Leaving Rich City could ruin his relationship with Lisa; he didn't want to confess to her that he likes another woman because he also liked her too and didn't want to hurt her feelings. Also leaving the place could ruin his relationship with Galloway because he is considered to be a vital worker and Galloway wouldn't be able to run the business without him.

On a cold day, the streets jammed with traffic, the atmosphere seemed to be unpleasant, and George decides to confront Galloway and Lisa about leaving the place. When George informed Galloway about leaving the place, Galloway couldn't believe what he was hearing, got very upset, and he tried to make him stay by offering him a raise but for no avail, Galloway looses his temper and starts acting aggressively toward George by giving him mean looks and raising his voice, it seemed to be that they have lost this close friendship, they started to talk fast to each other, people appeared to be moving faster as they walked on the street, it was a similar scenario to when they first met and didn't know each other, and the relationship ended as George exit the Design Exchange building. When George confronts Lisa and confesses to her about his affair with another woman at Poor City, she gets upset as she felt betrayed for not being told about this affair when they first met, she started crying, she started to hate him, acted aggressively toward him by giving him mean looks, and ignoring him as if she didn't him from before, and it was her choice to leave him and not see him again. Rich City is a world of experience, and has taught George to become a better business person as upon returning to Poor City he was able to do better in business than he was before, his new business in car exchange turned to be successful, and he reunited with Alicia and have accomplished all his dreams.