Essays / Paper on Queen Elizabeth (I have a thesis statement) [5]

Okay, so I'm doing a paper on Queen Elizabeth I and I have a thesis statement...but it needs work. Im in the 8th grade, by the way. So here it goes...

" Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth l's childhood vassilated(sp?) from the life of a doted on heir, to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages. A stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual, she rose through the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of england's most succsessful and beloved ruler."

So..help please! I really think it needs something... and if you could suggest some sluglines that would be fantastic. :)