Posts by kamalpaad

kamalpaad

Aug 9, 2010

Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

Hi folks,

I am an amateur poet with limited vocabulary and a pinch of imagination. with whatever resources I have got, I try costructing poems sometimes. With the thought of improvising my poems, I hereby post my poem here. Kindly review it and provide your precious suggestions for improvization.

----- * My Flight * -----

Life, oh life!
surprise me with whatever you have got in store.
As you know me well,
I am not the one who is likely to abhor.

For I peddle the present to venture the future,
on a path unknown.
Wandering aimlessly in whatever way I want,
I know not, my own.

Life, oh life!
what else have you got to depress me more.
As you know me well,
I am hardening myself each day, to the core.

For I pity not the situation that I am in, today
coz of my erred past.
While the unknown waters of darkness engulfing me,
I am miserably lost.

Life, dear life!
have you not got the heart to forgive my sin.
you may not know,
the pain of the repentence through which I have been.

for I ask not, the joy or contentment to fill my heart,
but just the light.
to identify the path which I had left a long time ago,
and to take there, my flight.

kamalpaad

Aug 10, 2010

Poetry / 1 sense poem 'When I'm at the beach I hear... [9]

Hello Misty Wade,

I neither am good at poetry nor am good at imagination, but if you really want to add few more lines into the poem you have written:

a) Talk of the things that people are doing there in a more colorful manner and add what you feel of their acts.
b) You can completely concentrate on the beach beauty by emphasizing the natural formations, sea creatures on the beach.
c) If you want you can take the poem in a philosophical path.
d) You can co relate the beach life to something you are aware of and bring differences or similarities out of it.

I hope the above suggestions are of any help to you.
btw you must concentrate on what Azeri says : the 6th line in the poem looks too much like prose. You can try breaking that line into 2 and adjust them accordingly as it suits u.

All the best :)

kamalpaad

Aug 10, 2010

Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

Thank you Yayz and Azeri for your help and for your suggestions.
@Yayz: I really did think it as pedal, but ended up writing it as peddle. It was a spelling mistake. Coincidentally peddle did manage to gel in the line written. ( thanks to you that I got to identify it).

and your second reply did help me understanding what people think of poetry.

@Azeri: I wanted to know if we can start the new line with capital letter when the previous line ended with a comma.

Thnak you.

kamalpaad

Aug 10, 2010

Poetry / Writing a Narrative Poem/Short Story [7]

Hey Goto124,

You have chosen a very good topic for your poem. If you use your imagination, all the required figures of speech required can be incorporated in it.

Its a very good topic, the rest lies with ur imagination and a bit of playing with the words to get a beautiful touch for your topic.

All the best. Do post your poem in the forum once its complete.

kamalpaad

Aug 12, 2010

Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

@Azeri,

Thank you for providing an example of Shakespeare's Sonnet for my doubt. Its been a long time looking into poems. It is very refreshing to look at such great poems of the greatest poets quoted and also to look at others' poem and feel the poems. Thanks to this Forum again.

@Kevin,

Thank you clarifying my doubt of capitalization. Good to see such a highly talented people helping novice, students and all alike in their clarifications and providing suggestions for improvement.

After going thru your suggestions, it appeared that 2nd line looked more rhythmic without the word 'got'. And wrt to pedaling, it appeared peddle too gels well and I liked that way once Yayz pointed out.

'for I ask not for joy or contentment to fill my heart'.
Here in this statement, the usage of 'for' was just for continuation of the structure.

Thanks for suggesting the improvements.

@ All,

I wanted to know if I can continue posting my other poems in the same thread when written or can I create new thread. Kindly help me..

Thanks again.