Laramie
Sep 17, 2010
Writing Feedback / Illustration Essay - "A Look Into My Life Through Obstacles" - feedback [4]
I would like some feedback, suggestions, etc. on my essay for English. I am new to college this semester and have not been in a classroom or written in a long time, so I'm a little rusty at this. Thank you for taking the time to read :)
Instructions: Consider the following quote:
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza
In roughly two to three pages, respond to this quote. Consider three distinct obstacles that you have faced or could face as you live your life. What are the obstacles? How can they be overcome? Must you deal with these issues alone? If not, who might help you?
The opening paragraph of your paper should refer to the quote, but should not include it entirely. The last line should be the thesis, which should list the obstacles you will discuss, in order of least to most important, or in time order, from earliest to most current.
A Look Into My Life Through Obstacles
Alfred D. Souza once said that obstacles were a part of life, rather than something to overcome before starting life. My life has been filled with many obstacles and I too have realized that all of those obstacles make up my life, and are not just something to overcome before beginning life. Some of the obstacles that I have had to deal with in my life thus far include finishing high school, getting over a fear of bridges, and, more recently, deciding whether or not to further my education.
Quitting high school is one of the most terrible decisions I have ever made. With just four months left until graduation, I decided to quit school and move out of my parent's house and in with who was my boyfriend at the time due to increasing tension and problems with my father. At first, I liked the idea of defying my parents and striking out on my own, but soon after, I started having severe regret. I realized that without a high school diploma, gaining meaningful employment would be difficult, if not impossible. Moving back in with my parents to finish school was not an available option to me, nor was going to night school as I did not have a car or other means of transportation at that time. I worked whatever jobs I could and about a year later, I was able to get a car. At that time, I started looking into my options for getting my high school diploma. I finally decided on night school, and enrolled in James H. Groves Adult High School. I was excited to finally be correcting a mistake I had made, but shortly after beginning my first semester, I became ill and missed too much time from school to complete the semester. I was discouraged and gave up on the idea of ever getting my diploma. Another year went by and I decided that the only way I was ever going to get anywhere in life started with finishing school, so I re-enrolled in the adult high school. On June 5, 1997, three years after I was supposed to initially graduate, I graduated with a high school diploma, and a renewed sense of accomplishment. I was very pleased with myself for having the courage to overcome this obstacle and to follow through with my decision.
My fear of bridges began when I was old enough to drive, but stemmed from a recurring dream that began in early childhood. In that dream, I was a passenger in the back seat of a station wagon that was traveling along a dark road without a driver. I was trapped in this car, and terribly frightened because the doors were locked and unable to be unlocked, there were no handles to rolls down windows, and I could not move to the front seat. A long and tall bridge would come into view, and the station wagon would begin to climb it. Once the car reached the highest point of the bridge, it would suddenly make a sharp left and go over the side of the bridge. Just before hitting the water, I would wake up. Initially, I coped with this fear by simply avoiding bridges. If a situation arose that required traveling over a large bridge, such as the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, I would arrange my travel plans so that I was a passenger with someone else. My plan worked well for a number of years, however, when I was 22, circumstances in my life changed and I had to move, which required having to drive across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. I was extremely afraid of that and spent many sleepless nights fretting over having to make the dreadful drive. On the morning of the move, I concluded that there was no way to get out of making the drive. I got into my car, which also happened to be a station wagon, said a few prayers, and hoped for the best. As I got closer to the bridge, I began to panic and worry. Visions from my dream came rushing back and I almost had to pull the car over onto the side of the road. Luckily I was able to talk myself through the drive. I kept telling myself that the dream was not real, and that it would be a real triumph to make it over the bridge. The next thing I knew, I was on the other side of the bridge. What a relief it was to finally conquer that fear! Overcoming that obstacle opened my eyes to new possibilities. I could finally travel by myself without fear.
The most difficult obstacle I have had to overcome was the decision to further my education. After quitting high school then going back three years later, I was of the mindset that I was not college material. For many years, I maintained that frame of mind, and never gave college much thought. Several years ago, I started hearing more and more about older adults going to college after being out of high school for many years, so I looked into a correspondence school that offered Associate's degrees. I tried it, but found that I was easily forgetting to keep up with the lessons, so I gave that up. Recent economic downfalls and changes in the job market finally got me to realize that I had to make a change if I ever planned to get out of this dead end job that I am in and do something with myself. My oldest stepdaughter starting high school this year was the final push for me to check into college for myself. I want to set a good example for my children, as well as make my family proud. I will be the first person in my immediate family to go to college. One spring evening I ventured to the Harford Community College website and submitted a request for more information. When I got the packet, I liked what I saw, so I filled out the application. Not long after submitting the application, I received my acceptance letter, and here I am, officially a college student! I am so glad to have overcome this obstacle, and I am looking forward to the opportunities that come with advancing my education.
Looking back through the years and problems I have overcome, I see that life will always be full of obstacles. Finishing high school, getting over my fear of bridges, and deciding to further my education are all hurdles that have helped shaped who I am today, and those experiences will help me to overcome future obstacles.
I would like some feedback, suggestions, etc. on my essay for English. I am new to college this semester and have not been in a classroom or written in a long time, so I'm a little rusty at this. Thank you for taking the time to read :)
Instructions: Consider the following quote:
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza
In roughly two to three pages, respond to this quote. Consider three distinct obstacles that you have faced or could face as you live your life. What are the obstacles? How can they be overcome? Must you deal with these issues alone? If not, who might help you?
The opening paragraph of your paper should refer to the quote, but should not include it entirely. The last line should be the thesis, which should list the obstacles you will discuss, in order of least to most important, or in time order, from earliest to most current.
A Look Into My Life Through Obstacles
Alfred D. Souza once said that obstacles were a part of life, rather than something to overcome before starting life. My life has been filled with many obstacles and I too have realized that all of those obstacles make up my life, and are not just something to overcome before beginning life. Some of the obstacles that I have had to deal with in my life thus far include finishing high school, getting over a fear of bridges, and, more recently, deciding whether or not to further my education.
Quitting high school is one of the most terrible decisions I have ever made. With just four months left until graduation, I decided to quit school and move out of my parent's house and in with who was my boyfriend at the time due to increasing tension and problems with my father. At first, I liked the idea of defying my parents and striking out on my own, but soon after, I started having severe regret. I realized that without a high school diploma, gaining meaningful employment would be difficult, if not impossible. Moving back in with my parents to finish school was not an available option to me, nor was going to night school as I did not have a car or other means of transportation at that time. I worked whatever jobs I could and about a year later, I was able to get a car. At that time, I started looking into my options for getting my high school diploma. I finally decided on night school, and enrolled in James H. Groves Adult High School. I was excited to finally be correcting a mistake I had made, but shortly after beginning my first semester, I became ill and missed too much time from school to complete the semester. I was discouraged and gave up on the idea of ever getting my diploma. Another year went by and I decided that the only way I was ever going to get anywhere in life started with finishing school, so I re-enrolled in the adult high school. On June 5, 1997, three years after I was supposed to initially graduate, I graduated with a high school diploma, and a renewed sense of accomplishment. I was very pleased with myself for having the courage to overcome this obstacle and to follow through with my decision.
My fear of bridges began when I was old enough to drive, but stemmed from a recurring dream that began in early childhood. In that dream, I was a passenger in the back seat of a station wagon that was traveling along a dark road without a driver. I was trapped in this car, and terribly frightened because the doors were locked and unable to be unlocked, there were no handles to rolls down windows, and I could not move to the front seat. A long and tall bridge would come into view, and the station wagon would begin to climb it. Once the car reached the highest point of the bridge, it would suddenly make a sharp left and go over the side of the bridge. Just before hitting the water, I would wake up. Initially, I coped with this fear by simply avoiding bridges. If a situation arose that required traveling over a large bridge, such as the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, I would arrange my travel plans so that I was a passenger with someone else. My plan worked well for a number of years, however, when I was 22, circumstances in my life changed and I had to move, which required having to drive across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. I was extremely afraid of that and spent many sleepless nights fretting over having to make the dreadful drive. On the morning of the move, I concluded that there was no way to get out of making the drive. I got into my car, which also happened to be a station wagon, said a few prayers, and hoped for the best. As I got closer to the bridge, I began to panic and worry. Visions from my dream came rushing back and I almost had to pull the car over onto the side of the road. Luckily I was able to talk myself through the drive. I kept telling myself that the dream was not real, and that it would be a real triumph to make it over the bridge. The next thing I knew, I was on the other side of the bridge. What a relief it was to finally conquer that fear! Overcoming that obstacle opened my eyes to new possibilities. I could finally travel by myself without fear.
The most difficult obstacle I have had to overcome was the decision to further my education. After quitting high school then going back three years later, I was of the mindset that I was not college material. For many years, I maintained that frame of mind, and never gave college much thought. Several years ago, I started hearing more and more about older adults going to college after being out of high school for many years, so I looked into a correspondence school that offered Associate's degrees. I tried it, but found that I was easily forgetting to keep up with the lessons, so I gave that up. Recent economic downfalls and changes in the job market finally got me to realize that I had to make a change if I ever planned to get out of this dead end job that I am in and do something with myself. My oldest stepdaughter starting high school this year was the final push for me to check into college for myself. I want to set a good example for my children, as well as make my family proud. I will be the first person in my immediate family to go to college. One spring evening I ventured to the Harford Community College website and submitted a request for more information. When I got the packet, I liked what I saw, so I filled out the application. Not long after submitting the application, I received my acceptance letter, and here I am, officially a college student! I am so glad to have overcome this obstacle, and I am looking forward to the opportunities that come with advancing my education.
Looking back through the years and problems I have overcome, I see that life will always be full of obstacles. Finishing high school, getting over my fear of bridges, and deciding to further my education are all hurdles that have helped shaped who I am today, and those experiences will help me to overcome future obstacles.
