Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by amber0605
Joined: Sep 17, 2010
Last Post: Nov 7, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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amber0605   
Sep 17, 2010
Undergraduate / My partner, as well as my best friend (significant person) my English 4 Honors Class! [13]

Assignment:Indicate a person who has made a significant influence on you, describe that influence.

I had to do a college essay for my English 4 Honors class and I did mine on a topic from the University of Miami. We pre edited them in class, but this is kind of the final draft and I want to make sure it is perfect before turning it in. She is a writer by heart, so she is tough. Please tell me what should I correct.

As someone who was not close with their family, I had a difficult time distinguishing a role model in my life. Over the years, as I have watched my peers credit others for their road to success, I worried that I would never have that type of support in my life. It was not until my significant other, who is also my best friend, that I finally found someone to help me on the journey toward becoming a better, and more confident, person. Without him, I don't know if I would have gained the most essentials traits in my life today.

Since my partner came into my life, I have changed in a way that I never thought possible. I find myself learning from him everyday and, even if it is the slightest lesson, it has a great significance to me. For example, he is a very calm and stress free individual. I admire this quality, essentially allowing him to make clear decisions. As time passes, I learn from his ways, and make positive changes to become more relaxed.

Assisting me to relieve undesirable stress in my life is not his only positive influence. I used to be a very shy individual, and I disliked presenting my opinions in front of a group of people. My partner stresses the significance of stating your mind, forewarning that if you miss your chance to talk, you may never get the opportunity again. I have become very fortunate to have broken that habit, and now I enjoy speaking in front of others.

By becoming more relaxed, and obtaining confidence in my own voice, I have been able to concentrate more on priorities in my life. I am determined to pursue my goal of going to college to become an elementary school teacher. My partner constantly states how vital it is to obtain a higher form of education, and to aim for a career of my choice. Since he began studying for his future career, his study habits have been instilled into me. Procrastination used to get the best of me, but I am no longer that individual. With his support, I feel that I can accomplish my future endeavors.

My partner's significance in my life will stay marked in my heart forever, and for that I am eternally grateful. With this new found confidence in myself, my goals finally seem to be within my reach. I feel ready to take on new and exciting challenges that come my way in the near future. By implementing the positive traits I have learned from him, I am confident in my ability to be a successful student, future educator, and person all together.
amber0605   
Sep 18, 2010
Undergraduate / My partner, as well as my best friend (significant person) my English 4 Honors Class! [13]

Hello, Kayla!
Thank you so much for revising my essay! I have made the revisions necessary and I took up all of your suggestions they were really helpful to me. I re wrote it again, please let me know if I still need anything tweaked. Anyone else who feels they need to tell me what I should change please do, I am open for suggestions (:
amber0605   
Sep 19, 2010
Undergraduate / My partner, as well as my best friend (significant person) my English 4 Honors Class! [13]

Hello Kayla! Well I think now we have the final product! I looked it over again and again, it sounds just right this time. This essay is due tomorrow, I know with all your help you have given me I am on the track to an A! (:

Please if you can, look this over one last time before I hit the print button. I surely will let you know what is the outcome to this essay as soon as I can. If you don't get the chance tonight, it is alright because I am confident this is just right.

Thank you SO much! (:

amber0605   
Nov 7, 2010
Undergraduate / My partner, as well as my best friend (significant person) my English 4 Honors Class! [13]

Thank you for the input :)

I am glad to let you know I got a B on the essay.
She said it was good but felt like something was missing, although
I felt the essay was great! Thank you for all the help! I look forward to posting more essays
in order to receive some help, which I might do sometime today!

Thank you!
amber0605   
Nov 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "my source of inspiration, my guide and mentor" - My mom's influence COMMON APP [4]

My mother made me realiserealize that everyone makes mistakes but thatthose mistakes aren't meant to be repeated.

Instead of admonishing me, she carefully analysedanalyzed my paper, and pointed ...

I had learnt learned my lesson.

This is a good start, although I feel you should elaborate it more. You don't have to include your father if you are only speaking about your mother. The middle paragraph is to condensed. Please re read it over, I am not the best essay writer, but I have corrected some words that were written wrong.

With these types of topics, you can't go wrong on how a person has made a significance on your life. Please express it more though, your mom must have been there for you in other times other then assisting you with your math problems.

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