uchihakula
Sep 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Maturing from your mistakes" Topic of choice essay [3]
Although your story is truly sincere it is not heart-felt and would never strike admission officer due to the lack of vivid emotions and the very common traps of generalization and oh-I-learn-this-from-this kind of story. To make your essay powerful, you should not overuse adjectives but employ verbs of action to describe emotions and conclude/make it open-ending story in a subtler way.
Although your story is truly sincere it is not heart-felt and would never strike admission officer due to the lack of vivid emotions and the very common traps of generalization and oh-I-learn-this-from-this kind of story. To make your essay powerful, you should not overuse adjectives but employ verbs of action to describe emotions and conclude/make it open-ending story in a subtler way.