Writing Feedback / Checkmate, pawns, troops, bishop, queen, strategy - essay [4]

The general scans the sixteen muted troops under his command. He knows they will obey him without second thoughts, and sacrifice themselves at a single command.

"Pawn to E4."
My brother was sitting in front of me, concentrating on the board. I couldn't let him beat me, not this time. I narrowed my view and focused on the black and white squares. There they stood, those familiar pieces, hoping to win for a change. I shut my ears, my mouth, directed my thoughts, and controlled my emotions. The game unfolded before me, slowly as it should, each move counting, as if it could be the last. Every action was a risk, every opportunity, a trap. Infinite possibilities danced before my eyes, luring me into mistakes, calling me with their sweet voices hoping to lead me out of the victorious path. Infinite possibilities, but only one that would turn the tide in my favor.

He intently watches the battlefield and evaluates his opponent's forces. He knows the war will be drawn on indefinitely; he wisely decides to forgo any impulsive moves.

"Knight to H3."
Pawns fell on either side. Every square was fought for and every piece was cherished as a relic, a treasure. As a tactic to defend, instead of attack, I pushed my brother out of my half of the table, my territory. I tempted him with traps, but he wouldn't be fooled by my childish ruses so I changed my strategy. Like a fox, quick and unnoticed, I was on the offensive. With well calculated moves I forced him into error and took his knight. A triumph. Emotion took hold of my body and suddenly I felt the asphyxiating heat and heard the noisy world around me. Yet it had been a small victory, not a definitive one.

A shiver runs down his spine, his eyes blurred, but he has to keep a cool head. The confrontation has no end in the foreseeable future and he only cares to make his troops last.

"Bishop to C5."
My troops stood, stoic, against a patient and organized army. They fought for me so I could not disappoint them. I was immersed in the game once more, my mind captured by that 30×30 cm piece of wood. Another accomplishment followed. His bishop fell to the hands of my warriors. I could feel victory drawing near. My muscles relaxed and my mind took a break. That was enough for reality to hit me. In a careless move, I lost my own bishop. I let him down. How many mistakes had I made before? How many defeats had those hasty moves caused? I doubted. My well built plan had tripped over a stone and had difficulty rising to its feet. The next move would be a decisive one.

Flashbacks flood his mind; make him remember past battles and defeats. He shakes his head as to get rid of the idea. He will not let the ghosts of his past haunt him. He is a general, not a pawn. His reaction now is what will make him stand apart from his subjects.

"Queen to E6."
That moment I realized that it was up to me. I could lay down my arms, and take the coward's way out. Or I could raise my head, look my brother in the eye, and let him know the match wasn't over yet. My soldiers empathized with me and strived on to victory. They attacked, with the elegance only chess figures can achieve. Smoothly sliding through the terrain, the white legion spread, without vacillation, like spilled milk. The end was imminently nearer. It was when I saw my brother collapse. In one moment I saw her, his queen, unprotected. Again and scanned the table for all possibilities. I sought for a trap or for any great move, but there was none. The only truth was that the queen stood there for me, defenseless. Slowly, fearfully, I took her out. I lifted my unbelieving eyes to my brother's face; he was dumbfounded. I felt my emotions build up, rushing from my stomach to my mouth wanting to yell, "Victory!" But I didn't. I controlled myself and hid my sentiments. The job wasn't done yet.

The sun rises in the horizon. The path is clear for triumph, gold and glory, and the general knows that his effort has paid off.

"Bishop to G7."
The game kept on, but the forces were quite uneven by now. What I didn't know was that the climax had already passed. I can't recall how, but I know that I had finally done it. I had beaten my brother, my mentor, and I had beaten myself. The clash was over and the victory short lived. The next game would unravel a new battle with new strategies and challenges.

Check mate.

Undergraduate / "an experience worth the try" - why Chicago?? [3]

Should i shorten it?

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

When people ask me what my first-choice university is, I simply answer Chicago. A gasp usually follows follows. The many connotations this city has, from Al Capone to Chicago Bulls, from the Sears Tower to the Great Fire of 1871, all gather worldwide attention. But they don't gasp because of these elements, but because of the association of that name to the University of Chicago. With 85 Nobel Prices and 46 Rhodes Scholars I am the one who asks, "Am I up to the challenge? Am I ready to attend a first-class university?" My answer is yes for a simple reason, my sincere and true hope for knowledge and opportunities.

On being accepted to the University of Chicago I would expect, literally, a thousand doors to open. Being able to study side by side with thousands of the strongest applicants from around the world would be a privilege as well as a stimulus for my intellectual interests. The diverse student body means exposure to various cultures, as well as ideas. With people from 68 countries besides the Americans, one can surely make a home for himself. Investigating the student body from Chicago, I sense that the university is not only interested on multifaceted students, but also encourages them to continue developing their interests.

Since I have never been able to visit the city, and more unfortunately the campus, I guide myself by university rankings, specifically those dealing with economics programs. Chicago's privileged positions reflect the University's dedication and serious work. How many faculties in the world count on five Nobel laureates? Not many for sure. What I can tell is that on the path to becoming a world citizen, there are few people that can prepare me as thoroughly as these professors for the vast, real world. I seek to take advantage of Chicago's approach to economics as "an incomparably powerful tool for understanding society" and apply it wherever life leads me. This ambition for world citizenship seems to fit with the University's ideology of humanity, as can be seen on the Community Service Center or the more than 40 student organizations dedicated to the physical world around them. What is a good education worth if one won't give back to society? Among the many options I seek to take advantage of is the one about working with the city of Chicago. One must make a difference wherever one lives, get involved in the community, and understand the people. I definitely wish to help, not only here but wherever I go, whether it is my native South America or someplace else. Also, I place extreme importance on the study-abroad programs. From Jerusalem, to Oaxaca, to Cape Town, exotic places with exotic diversity, I hope to satiate my desire for adventure. During the four years I wish to expend here I learn as much from life as from my area of studies.

And what about the Windy City? It has so much to offer; music, museums, history and tourism. By fate or by logic, I don't know, these relate with my areas of interest. Furthermore, this is a motivation to access the University's internship program through CAPS, and a possibility to apply what I learn in classrooms to real life scenarios. As a major economic center in America and in the world, I may understand the role economics play in society as well as how its mechanism functions. On the other side, the city is full of history. From gangsters and the prohibition to modern day Hyde Park, there is always history in the making. By this means, I hope to exploit the Chicago Studies to their maximum potential upon admittance.

Why do I want to attend Chicago? Why go to the city Daniel Burnham called "Paris on the Prairie"? Well, simply because under the gothic ceilings I expect to find education, opportunities, challenges, culture, fun, diversity, wisdom, advice, sports, music, numbers, friendship, surprises, lessons, creativity, objectivity and, cheesy as it may sound, an experience worth the try.

Undergraduate / "playing soccer" - a time when you have surprised others or yourself, ND [3]

ND supplement

- 4. Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.

I had been playing soccer since around the first grade. I had played defense, forward and was currently goalkeeper. People, as well as I, were used to see me as a substitute, entering in the final moments, not expecting much from me. Sometimes I made errors that would cause critics from both my teammates and their parents. But I kept going, Mondays through Fridays. If there was something the coach highlighted about me was my perfect assistance. So year after year I kept assisting to the training sessions, while other players came and went. One year came when the current goalkeeper left the team and other prospects made an effort to fill in the vacant position. I kept training, focusing on my own improvement. I was a significantly better player. One day the manager approached me and informed me that I would be in the starting eleven for the next game. I was nervous but not willing to give up my progress. I stood up to the challenge and surprised everyone with a great performance. After the game some people approached me and congratulated me with certain contrition on their faces. I kept my position on the team and even represented the school in an international tournament in Minnesota.

It is 209 words and must be around 150... any help will be greatly appreciated