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Posts by vturbyfill
Joined: Oct 14, 2010
Last Post: Oct 14, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 5
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vturbyfill   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Riding horses" - my University of Florida application essay [13]

I began riding horses when I was nine years old, but it didn't take long for me to catch the "horse crazy" bug that adolescent girls often acquire. I was at the barn every day after school, and on the weekends I was there from the break of dawn until dusk - absolutely horse obsessed. The "bug" usually only lasts for a few years until a new obsession or hobby comes along and puts horses out of the picture. However, this was not the case for me. With time, lots of perseverance and every penny of my savings, I convinced my parents to let me get a horse and begin showing in western reining. I had a dream, and in January of 2006, I decided that I was going to pursue that dream by striving to become a National Reining Horse Association Youth World Champion. I knew the haul would be long, and that the year would be tiring, but I was determined to turn my aspirations into reality.

Thirty-five horse shows and 30,000 miles later, the trek was completed, and I was awarded the National Reining Horse Association World Championship. What I gained from this yearlong experience, however, was much more than a just a world title. I developed perseverance from the relentless schedule of hauling from one horse show to the next, going into the show ring again and again. I gained self-determination because I knew that from the moment I entered the show ring, it was all up to me to succeed or fail. I learned that my thresholds for frustration, patience, and physical exertion could be expanded far beyond what I would have thought possible. However, I would say the most important principle I obtained is the belief that anything is possible with enough hard work once I put my mind to it. I have used these values in several aspects of my life, one of which is my schoolwork.

I have always been a good student, but after my year hauling for my World Title, I attacked my school work with fervency and unwavering force because I wanted to be the best student possible - another dream. Just like my horses, my academics became part of my self-identity. I pride myself on my determination. I know that no matter the class, the test, or the assignment that is given to me, I will be able to succeed because of my tenacious internal drive to excel.

Horses have given me memories, values, and an aspiration to become a large animal veterinarian to give back to the creatures that guided me throughout my youth. By specializing in lameness, I want to work rehabilitating horses that have undergone crippling injuries sustained from their equine profession. For the horses that have been injured and are incapable of being cured, I would like to open an equine sanctuary/therapeutic facility where the animals can live out the rest of their lives in peace.

Horses have played such a major role in my life, and I feel that many kids miss out on the wonderful experiences that horses have to offer. Therefore, in conjunction with my equine sanctuary, I have a dream to open a therapeutic facility for handicapped and underprivileged children who would otherwise never have the opportunity to experience the serenity and tranquility of a horse's presence.

I knew by the end of my first western reining lesson that horses were going to change my life forever. My passion for horses and my world title in the sport of reining have shaped me into the person I have become. These incredible life experiences have given me a high level of discipline, perseverance and responsibility which I look forward to translating into my academic efforts as a student at the University of Florida.
vturbyfill   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Riding horses" - my University of Florida application essay [13]

Thank you so much for responding!!

In my paragraph (#5) about my dream to one day open a therapeutic riding facility, I'm wondering if I should inject something about wanting to expose the UF campus to the idea of volunteering in this incredible, developing field?

One aspect of the prompt I don't feel my essay addresses is how I will contribute to the UF campus community/citizenship ...
vturbyfill   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Being a Twin" - College Application Personal Essay [11]

I wasn't sure what you meant by 'pivotal existence' - specifically, the use of the word pivotal.

I thought your whole essay was excellent! Very interesting to read, and particularly insightful into the world of being a twin (sorry - all us non-twins will be eternally curious about that!).

Your last sentence ...

Although I could not be happier being a twin and would never wish otherwise, I hope my college experience will be a chance for people to know the ME, not the WE.

is great in concept as a closing sentence, but struck me as just a little weak in the way it flowed. Maybe replace 'although' with 'while' (works well with the word would, i think) and perhaps choose a stronger word than 'hope' ... "I can't wait for my college experience to be a chance for people to know the ME, not (just) the WE."

Good luck!!
vturbyfill   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Riding horses" - my University of Florida application essay [13]

Yes - sorry! Here it is:

In the space provided (3800 characters), please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

I do see that it says "how it will affect your college experience *OR* your contribution to the UF campus community ... just wanting to cover the bases!
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