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Posts by Capobach
Joined: Oct 25, 2010
Last Post: Oct 26, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

Displayed posts: 5
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Capobach   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "to be a filmmaker" - Supplement for Stanford, Intellectual Vitality [3]

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

During my freshman year, my home life imploded. The family I'd once held so dear had fallen apart in a matter of days, and there was nothing I could do about it. Family dinners vanished, and I found myself spending a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I was bombarded with emotions that my yet young brain could not comprehend, emotions for which I had no outlet. I was confused. Then I saw Garden State. As I watched Andrew Largeman, disillusioned and numbed by the collapse of his family, struggle to lead a normal life, I felt as if my own story were unfolding before me. The script captured a man without direction: his actions were robotic, his words passionless. I was staring into my future. But as the story wore on, Large came to grips with his life and realized that sulking wasn't going to change anything. He needed to take initiative. This philosophy resonated with me: I knew I needed to make amends before my life became the one on the screen. However, the movie itself helped me realize something else, something much broader. I knew I wanted to be a filmmaker. Moreover, I want to tell stories that provoke people into examining their lives. I want to jar people from their comfort zones. I want to do for other people what Garden State did for me. And even if I can only change one person, I'll have made a difference I can be proud of.

Let me know how it is!
Capobach   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "to be a filmmaker" - Supplement for Stanford, Intellectual Vitality [3]

The word and space limits on the Common App prevent any kind of paragraph junctures. You also can't italicize anything (I don't know why).

The intellectual engagement is when I realize that film's ability has an uncanny ability to connect to human emotions. Then I go on to say that that's what I want to do with my life. I figured, there's nothing more intellectually engaging than discovering what you want to do, especially when it happens in such a sudden way. You didn't get that impression?
Capobach   
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "Enrolled in a ballet class" - Stanford roommate supplement! [7]

Now, at seventeen, I am that girl who can play a game of basketball while sporting five inch heels.

If I were you, I'd tinker with that sentence so it doesn't sound like you're playing basketball whilst wearing said heels. Unless you actually can do that, which would probably make you the best basketball player I've ever seen.

But other than that, you have a pretty solid essay. I don't know how original it is because I'm not an admissions officer, but it sounded pretty fresh to me.
Capobach   
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / Dantes inferno Bball Court -- WHY STANFORD [8]

Turn that semicolon in the last sentence into a colon. Semicolons separate two independent clauses, colons denote lists. Even though it's only one item long, it's still technically a list.

Other than that, nice job. Was this court just littered with paper or were the words actually painted into the cement? Please say the latter.
Capobach   
Oct 26, 2010
Grammar, Usage / I wish I didn't say that. I wish I hadn't said that. [5]

"Had" is a subjunctive verb. It implies an "if things were different" kind of context. For example, you said it, but you wish you could undo it. Therefore, you use "had."

Use "did" when it's definite: I did not take out the trash.

Use "had" when things could be different: I had not taken out the trash (notice how you feel the need to use "yet" at the end of this sentence? That's because you have taken out the trash, but when talking about some abstract time in the past, you had not done it YET.).
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