astrozombie
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / Chased by a dog. College admissions essay. West Chester. [3]
Hi, I wrote this essay for english class last year and I'm not sure if it's material to sent to a college or not. I'm applying mostly to state schools that I barely meet the requirements for. Do you think this piece is fit to be a college essay? Is it funny or just dumb?
PROMPT
West Chester University seeks to enroll a diverse group of talented and well-rounded individuals. We want to learn more about you and the personal characteristics you can bring to the West Chester University community. Please share with us your involvement in one or more of the following areas: ...or any other life experience that has had a significant impact on you.
"1...2...3!" I counted in my head as I hoisted myself atop the green side of the jungle gym. I carefully inched across the top of the monkey bars. Success! After long months of pursuing the great task of climbing on top of the monkey bars and crawling across them, I was successful. I spent the evening like that, basking in my glory, paying no attention to the stray dog that was pacing the perimeter of the playground. My mother was the one to wake me from my dream like existence high up on the metal bars: "Alyssa, it's getting dark! We need to leave now!". Reluctantly, I parted with my beloved monkey bars and moped to the car. I observed that my mother was busy strapping my sister into her car seat. And then I saw it: the stray dog! I tried to walk slowly and calmly to the car, to no avail. The dog bolted after me. This creature,once appearing a loveable golden retriever, instantly transformed into a rouge beast within seconds. I would never make it to the car on time; that dog looked pretty hungry! But I was in no mood to become doggy dinner. That's when the idea came to me... The monkey bars! I turned around and sprinted through the mulch to my metal sanctuary, the monstrous dog not far behind. Just as I had done thousands of times in the past two hours, I ran up the plastic steps, hoisted myself on top of the monkey bars, and climbed to safety. Regaining my breath, I looked down at the dog from my throne. He could not reach me. I waited and waited. The beast hovered below me, but I did not budge. Finally, the dog gave up and sauntered into the woods to hunt for dinner elsewhere. As I climbed down the ladder, I thought to myself; "victory has never been so sweet". Each time I am faced with an obstacle, mastering this trick on the monkey bars comes to mind. It taught me to be persistent, because you never know when success will save you from a rouge dog.
Hi, I wrote this essay for english class last year and I'm not sure if it's material to sent to a college or not. I'm applying mostly to state schools that I barely meet the requirements for. Do you think this piece is fit to be a college essay? Is it funny or just dumb?
PROMPT
West Chester University seeks to enroll a diverse group of talented and well-rounded individuals. We want to learn more about you and the personal characteristics you can bring to the West Chester University community. Please share with us your involvement in one or more of the following areas: ...or any other life experience that has had a significant impact on you.
"1...2...3!" I counted in my head as I hoisted myself atop the green side of the jungle gym. I carefully inched across the top of the monkey bars. Success! After long months of pursuing the great task of climbing on top of the monkey bars and crawling across them, I was successful. I spent the evening like that, basking in my glory, paying no attention to the stray dog that was pacing the perimeter of the playground. My mother was the one to wake me from my dream like existence high up on the metal bars: "Alyssa, it's getting dark! We need to leave now!". Reluctantly, I parted with my beloved monkey bars and moped to the car. I observed that my mother was busy strapping my sister into her car seat. And then I saw it: the stray dog! I tried to walk slowly and calmly to the car, to no avail. The dog bolted after me. This creature,once appearing a loveable golden retriever, instantly transformed into a rouge beast within seconds. I would never make it to the car on time; that dog looked pretty hungry! But I was in no mood to become doggy dinner. That's when the idea came to me... The monkey bars! I turned around and sprinted through the mulch to my metal sanctuary, the monstrous dog not far behind. Just as I had done thousands of times in the past two hours, I ran up the plastic steps, hoisted myself on top of the monkey bars, and climbed to safety. Regaining my breath, I looked down at the dog from my throne. He could not reach me. I waited and waited. The beast hovered below me, but I did not budge. Finally, the dog gave up and sauntered into the woods to hunt for dinner elsewhere. As I climbed down the ladder, I thought to myself; "victory has never been so sweet". Each time I am faced with an obstacle, mastering this trick on the monkey bars comes to mind. It taught me to be persistent, because you never know when success will save you from a rouge dog.