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Posts by JJoseph
Joined: Oct 30, 2010
Last Post: Nov 11, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Cayman Islands

Displayed posts: 3
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JJoseph   
Nov 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Essay for a Game Design major [3]

I've taken out any names or anything that might relate the essay to my school I'm choosing. It's unfortunate I must do this but this is the internet and I wouldn't want someone to take my essay (assuming its even worth taking...). I'm in a kind of a slump at the moment and this essay isn't finished but any critiques would be very helpful. be as strict as you possibly can! :)

Ever since I read about the Game Design Major at ________________, it has become the only University that I've wanted to apply to. It's in the ___________________, the school has a large diversity of students from all over the world and provides great academics especially in the _____________ program which has attracted me to this school out of all the others. With the rapidly growing industry and high competition between game companies I know that they are hiring only the best and most talented of individuals but I know with the skills and knowledge I can obtain at ________ that I can achieve my goals and get into a career that I'm most truly passionate

about.

On my seventh birthday my mother handed me a Nintendo console with a copy of "The Legend of Zelda". While playing it I couldn't express the awe I was in, the visuals held me in my chair for hours and that's when I became deeply curious as to how video games were made. It was at that moment I somehow knew that game design was going to be my lifelong interest. As I went through high school, my motivation to learn about 3-D animation and how to design complex scenery right down to the detail of a blade of grass had not diminished one bit, despite my friends always telling me how it's the most boring job in the world because you just sit all day writing up code.

I have a keen interest in _________ internship program which would very much help me to get a more hands on experience in the workplace of a professional company. I currently live in ________________ which doesn't offer me this experience as its main career choices would be accounting, tourism or law, which really don't interest me so this experience I would receive at ________ would be invaluable for me.

sounds as nerdy as they come but I'm already choosing game design so I guess it can't be helped..
JJoseph   
Nov 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am the only one in my family to apply for a degree" - following the prompt right? [4]

Except from some basic errors like "since the day I came to the US"
you seem to be on the right track regarding your topic. But adding more detail about your family
would be a good thing to add and describing its effect on you about neither on them being in a college. Do they support the idea you are the only one who would be going to college? stuff like that is what a University wants to see. Also "tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations", so try to include what your main dream is instead of just attending a University. such as long term career plans after you finish? etc
JJoseph   
Nov 11, 2010
Undergraduate / "a medical education" - Why Drexel College of Medicine- BS/MD prompt [6]

This is a very well done essay. You have stuck to the essay topic perfectly as well as giving a very detailed inspirational story about what happened in your childhood. my only suggestion is the same as ga717 and his/her example given fixes up the last line perfectly.

Like I said before it's a great so I couldn't imagine any problems getting in with that.
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