Undergraduate / "Sit up straight, don't slouch" - significant risk, dilemma - common app essay [4]

I like it. I think it's not too narrative. It's pretty strong and captures my attention, but the strength and effect of the introduction, i believe, depends on the essay itself and how you tie back to it.

So it's hard to tell if it's good and effective until I see the rest of the essay, but by itself it's pretty good.