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Posts by collegegirl94
Joined: Nov 6, 2010
Last Post: Nov 7, 2010
Threads: 1
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collegegirl94   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cliques at school" - Topics for My Essay to UT! [4]

So, I have to write an essay for UT Austin, and Texas A&M, and the question is:

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I was wondering if cliques in school would be an okay subject matter to write about. I want to write about something unique, and I think this topic is pretty unique. I'm hoping that someone can give me some feedback on if this is okay, and if my basic outline is okay to write on too:

Cliques at school

a) Short term effects
i) People don't interact with people unlike them
ii) When people don't fit in with a particular group, they are left out
iii) Cliques are a way of people shutting out other people from being their friends
b) Long Term effects
i) People will not be able to work with certain types of people in the work world
ii) Since they only have a particular type of friends, if they can't find that type of people they can be very lonely
iii) Might reject certain people from their lives
collegegirl94   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "My fervor for global issues" - international significant experience [7]

I agree that the first sentence doesn't match the rest of the essay currently, however, if you tie the beginning to another paragraph/ a few sentences at the end, the sentence could work.

However, this essay does answer the prompt very well, and the idea is amazing!
collegegirl94   
Nov 6, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Ban on smoking in public places is a must! [5]

I completely agree. Smoking needs to be banned in public places. Why should non-smokers risk their lives because they want to eat out at a restaurant?

The smokers have their freedom to smoke, however, they do not have the liberty to endanger the lives of others. That could end up as murder in the third degree. Every human has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health of themselves and their families (Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights).

Smokers have the freedom to choose whether to smoke or not. By banning smoking in public places, this freedom is not taken away. By banning it we are banning an action that causes life-threatening danger to others.

The point that they are making, I find, is stupid. It is equivalent to driving a car the wrong way on a highway.

The driver of the car can say that he has the "freedom of action" but in the end, all he is doing is endangering the lives of himself, his passengers, and everyone around him.
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