Undergraduate / "I am the only one in my family to apply for a degree" - following the prompt right? [4]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

(this is the the unfinsh first rough draft i just want to know am i in right track, )

My life has been a challenge in every way and second since the day I came to US. I am the only one in my family tree to ever apply to a university. My mom who can't say a word in English discontinued her education after high school in Afghanistan. My dad gave up after two years of community college; he was struggling with learning English. Since the day I enter High school, my ultimate goal was to attend college. The problem was obstacle after obstacle. First, I had to develop my knowledge from Afghanistan standard to the US standard. Unfortunately, the gap between Afghanistan standard, where eighty percent of people are illiterate and the US standard is huge that I had to do more than study to overcome this situation....

Writing Feedback / American Dream is deeply rooted in the America culture and ideology [NEW]

If you were a teacher and grading this what would you think? and what is your advice?

The author of Declaration of Independent Thomas Jefferson states that all human are born with certain rights. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are among those given rights. It is inferred that "Pursuit of Happiness" from Declaration of Independent is the foundation of American Dream. Thus, we can conclude that American Dream is deeply rooted in the America culture and ideology. According to library of congress, American Dream is "that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement"("The American Dream"). Moreover, "everyone [has] access to the same products regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or class"("American Dream"). However, the idea that social mobility and prosperity is consequence of hard work or ability regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or class is myth at its best. In other word, American Dream is unattainable. It simply goes against the reality of today's America. Despite the fact, in mainstream America we see films and works that directly reflect this mythical idea. In particular, in a bibliographical film titled, The Pursuit of Happyness(2006) directed by Gabriele Muccino, the audience sees a clear and transparent plot that implements the American Dream. The movie starts with Chris Gardner, the main character, struggling to earn enough to pay rent and buy groceries. Unable to support his family, his wife leaves him with his five year old son. Gardner is persuaded that if he works hard enough, he will eventually succeed. After months of hard work, he gets a job as stock broker. Then, he found the investment firm Gardner Rich. I argue that in the film The Pursuit of Happyness, the mythical idea from American Dream about social mobility and prosperity is perpetuated to the audience. I will begin this analysis by illustration of the film's inaccurate propagation that anyone can succeed as long as they work hard. That discussion will be followed by close examination of the film's incorrect perspective toward race, gender, ethnicity, and class role in upward class mobility. Then, I will analyze the film's false claim that achievement is also based on ability and talent. I will conclude by refuting the opponents' point of view that American Dream is achievable by anyone as it was achieved by Chris Gardner.