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Posts by vorle
Joined: Nov 14, 2010
Last Post: Nov 15, 2010
Threads: 1
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vorle   
Nov 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Statement of pupose for Phd in Developmental biology/biological sciences [NEW]

I am really impressed with this essay forum and the way people help each other. I am applying to USA for Phd and have managed this essay. I will be highly obliged if anyone could help me out by correcting the mistakes I have made. Also I think I am pretty wordy in my writing but am unable to cut short anymore. Any suggestion will be highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

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"Till you get a black belt you just learn the techniques, after which you mould and use them as best suits you. After this it is your responsibility to give back and add your bit to the art. Only then you can reach the highest levels". This is what my sensei (teacher in Japanese) explains when asked about the significance of different belts and degrees in karate. But for me this philosophy has a much deeper meaning and applies to both my education and life as a whole. Through a Phd at xyz university I want to put to practical use, the basics I have learned till my undergraduate education, in answering questions which would eventually help us better understand the natural world, and eventually shape the futuristic sapient society.

Since my childhood I have had an eye for natural processes and have been perplexed with the complexity and beauty with which nature works. Having an inquisitive mind and educated at one of nation's best schools, I was exposed to different objects that expanded my horizons and expounded on my understanding of how the world works. Much of this can be attributed to constant updates of ongoing scientific research from news papers and documentaries. The finding by Elizabeth H. Blackburn and Carol W. Greider about the role of shortening telomeres in aging and possibility of slowing down aging by genetically engineering telomeres in the future, inspired me to take up a career in science. These people were talking and working on things which I had only heard in science fiction. I wanted to be part of this exciting community to create a scientifically advanced tomorrow.

My family consists of members who have great regard for education. Therefore, sincerity and hard work are virtues that were inculcated automatically in my character. Also, having played various sports at various times in my life I have inculcated many traits such as teamwork, patience and persistence in my character. These traits I believe will be increasingly important in the workplace of tomorrow as the respective fields become more and more complex.

I already had a fascination with biology and chemistry. Therefore, after receiving the best grades in biology when graduating from high school and having a competitive understanding of chemistry, I opted for B. Tech in Biotechnology as my undergraduate major. I successfully got admission in Heritage Institute of Technology, Kolkata, an institution renowned for its Biotechnology department.

My undergraduate curriculum invoked ardent interest in me for the subjects such as cell biology, molecular biology and genetics. That I obtained best grades of 9/10 in these subjects are testimony to my zest and zeal for these subjects.

I have always been an adventurous soul and have never been limited by the curriculum though. Through out my life as a student, I have made it a point to find an answer to any question that catches my fascination. Keeping true to this habit, even during my undergraduate education, I undertook several personal projects which greatly enhanced my perspective and apetite for biological sciences as a whole. I supplemented these by participating in various seminars, conferences and competitions. During one such competition I presented a poster on "Biohydrogen production by Clamydomona rienhardtii" and won the 1st prize for it. I also undertook two trainings projects and two research projects, one of which I am continuing in my final year. These experiences have greatly increased my confidence and have provided me practical knowledge and experience to work in a research setting.

During one of my personal projects, I came across the awe inspiring subject of Developmental biology. As I read more and more about it, I developed great respect for the subject. I applied and received a fellowship from the Indian Academy of Sciences (IAS) for a research project at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc), Bangalore, in the department of Molecular Reproduction, Development and Genetics, in the summer break of 4th year. This was the pivotal experience which exposed me to various aspects of developmental biology, to some of the current topics being studied in the field and the methodology followed. However, I understand that my knowledge is still very incomplete and look up to the Phd program at xyz university for providing me the opportunity to explore more possibilities and gain deeper insight into the subject.

The understanding of the various mechanisms by which the harmonious interplay of biochemistry and probability leads to the beautiful and eventful development of a single cell into an entire organism and to use this knowledge to transform Developmental Biology into a valuable elixir for the human society is the end I have in mind. Two more goals are to understand the role of varying environmental conditions on embryogenesis and to study the evolution of the different strategies of embryonic development in different organisms.

My search for the best matches of research interests, faculties, facilities and work community have ended at the university of xyz and I realize that this is the place where the plethora of questions plaguing my mind can be answered and where I can pursue, doing breakthrough research and realizing my dreams. I believe I am behoved to the universities requirements with the right goals and attitude towards educational and research excellence.
vorle   
Nov 14, 2010
Graduate / how important is movitation in applying for Ph.D. program in physics [3]

I think you should rephrase this experience a bit.
Instead of
"Ranking first in the end of my first year, I transfered to the physics department"

you can write something like this
"I worked hard and ranked first at the end of first year so that I could transfer to the Physics deprtment".

According to me that should be fine as it will show you are both hard working and motivated, the two most important qualities required for doing Phd.
vorle   
Nov 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "Bradley, my little cousin" - influential person, CU Boulder admissions essays [2]

dunkdawg here are a few corrections I have made. You tend to use too many complex sentences. try making them short. its both easier to write and understand and kind of reduces the number of words by eliminating unnccesary conjunctions. You can keep the changes I have made or write it in a different better way but the above advices really work. I have tried them myself.

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The most influential person in my life is Bradley, my little cousin, who was born with cerebral palsy. and has He had to go through dozens of painful surgeries to try and help aimed at helping him stand and also make it so he doesn't have to suffer reducing his suffering. Every time I see him and see what he has to struggle through with, it makes me feel two very distinct things: 1) that if this little kid can suffer so much and still be able to smile bigger and wider than anyone else in the photo, than then anyone can overcome anything the obstacles present that is placed in their way. 2) It also makes me feel remorse because I truly want to be able to help him. When we found out about what had happened to Bradley it further not only solidified my decision to join the medical field but also gave me a higher purpose to one day be able to truly make a difference in his life and change things for him for the better. Every time I see my little cousin I think to myself it makes me want to one day I will be able to help him,. one day I may even be able to cure him, or more realistically be on a team dedicated to finding a cure, and be able to give him a long and fulfilled life (not required). He is what makes me want to join the medical field, and I will not stop trying to pursue this goal until I have succeeded and am well on my way to helping him.
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