Undergraduate / I Walk By Faith - Common App Choice [4]

"I am not exactly the imageone would picture of a pastor's kid."- repetitive, the sentence would be clearer with one or the other (picture or image)

I like how you answer this question "The purpose of my life is not to please thy Lord nor is it to convert others to Christianity." later on in the essay, "But I have learned a lot, and I want to make a difference in the world. As cliché as it sounds, it is my goal." instead of merely saying "a difference" try to be as specific as possible.

"Thanks to the church, I have learnt that humans are greedy, egocentric beings."- this is a somewhat pessimistic view, not sure if it supports your essay

A question to consider- how does being a PK enable you to make a difference in the world? You have somewhat answer the question but make it clearer in your supporting paragraphs that faith/diversity etc will help you make a difference in the world.

very interesting essay! I have always wonder what life as a PK would be like!

Undergraduate / "FSU will prepare me for my Climax" (Vires, Artes, Mores) [3]

"And I, I hope, am still in the beginning"- And, I hope, I am still in the beginning.

My loving family instills in me, beliefs important to them. They push me to be a strong and have good moral character. My friends and family constantly shape my personality and beliefs.

Even Mrs. Gunthrie, a fif th grade teacher who often sent me home in tears, taught me the value of persistence.