Undergraduate / 'her husband, my father, has died' - UF - meaningful event [NEW]

I would like some advice on my essay to the University of Florida the topic is:

Describe a meanigful event; experiencs or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contributionto the UF campus community

My Essay:

July 2nd, 1999 was by far the most life changing moment I had ever experienced. On that sad day the Gwinnett county police contacted my mom to let her know that her husband, my father, had died of a heart attack around three thirty that afternoon. By the look on my mothers face I could tell what had happened. My mother immediately took my sister and me to our babysitter's house and went to go see her now deceased husband. While waiting for the predictable news so many things were running through my head. Things like, "This is probably all a dream, this can not be happening", or like, "How will I survive the rest of my life without the man who raised me". A knock on the door was heard, my heart had never beat so fast until this day. My mother walked in crying, and I just knew it, my prediction was right, he was gone forever. The last thing I ever said to my father was "I love you", and gave him a hug. Even though my father is gone he is my inspiration to do well in everything I do.

Ever since that tragic day I see everything different now. I do not take life for granted and always try my hardest to live life to the fullest, because life is just to short not to. I think The University of Florida community would appreciate someone like me. I am someone who is determined, responsible, and hard working. For example, during second semester English I was having a lot of troubling keeping a good grade in that class. I started to feel as if there was no hope, I just thought about my father and how much of a hard worker he was, and I felt that if I gave up I would let him down. I buckled down and started studying harder and doing the readings, and with time my grade was were it needed to be to pass the class When I put my mind to something rest assured it WILL come out the way I want it to. I understand The University of Florida has many brilliant students in every field of education, and to be honest I may or may not be one of those excellent students. I can assure you though that I will work hard to become one. By the time I graduate from college and am looking for some type of job, I don't want The University to be embarrassed to recommend me. I want you guys to be able to brag about me, be happy to talk about me. I truly believe that with my determination to succeed in life, my personality, responsibility, and my hard work ethic I will fit in perfectly with the University of Florida community mentally and most importantly academically.

Undergraduate / 'Great ride, my high school career' - FSU essay..advice, edit [NEW]

My high school career has been a great ride. Those years are years I will never forget no matter what. Amongst those years I have grown so much and learned tremendous amount of things. Not just academically, but mentally and physically. I have played football for J.V and Varsity, and ran Varsity track all four years. Doing all those sports was hectic, but I was strong and kept putting my all in the both of them.

I think the word that best fits me is Vires. Last track season was kind of a rough time of the year for me. All last school year I had been training for the triple jump. I wanted to do so good that following season, but it did not go as planned. In the first meet I got hurt. I pulled my hip flexor, it was very painful. I had felt that all that training during offseason was wasted. I really felt like there was no point in running that season because I would not be at 100% till the very end. But I could not let my team mates down, especially since I was a captain. Through out that whole season I dug deep and tried to do the best I could in every event. I would win every meet except the really big ones, which made me very frustrated. The coaches and my team mates new I could do a lot better than what I was doing, but I could not make any excuses, because leaders do not make excuses. So it got closer to the end of the season and I was getting a little better, I was finally able to receive a gold medal at a big meet. Getting that gold boosted my confidence up immensely. I was so excited because next week was regions and I was now the 2nd best jumper in region 6 AAA. Regions finally came up and I was ready to jump, at least I thought I was. I did horrible. I did not have one good jump. The second string jumper beat me. I was so embarrassed and torn up at the same time. I cried until everyone left the jumping pits. My coaches and friends tried to tell me to keep my head up, but I could not. I was way to embarrassed. I kept telling myself "this is not going to happen again". I made sure that I busted my butt to get better in every aspect. This summer I went to the weight room every single day and conditioned every single. I am stronger than I have ever been, and I know for a fact that strength was one of the reasons why I did not do well. All I have to do is keep a good mind set and things should go well. No matter how strong one is physically, if they are not strong mentally then the physical strength will not help one much. Through track and Field I have obtained better physical and mental power, which is why I choose vires.

I am a hard working and determined student. When I put my mind to something it should come out the way I want it, and if it does not I will dust myself off and try again. I know FSU wants hardworking students that take school seriously. Not only do I feel I can help the school out academically but I can help out when it comes to athletics. I am well rounded student with a passion to do well, which makes me a good fit for Florida State University.