Undergraduate / "yes Sir and no Sir" - UCF. How has your environment influenced who you are? [NEW]

Is this what admission officers are looking for? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

As I pulled into my driveway the glistening rays of cheerfulness from the sunny yellow paint that covered my home invited me to come inside. All of my life I have been molded by parents who, despite their firm hand, support and love me in every way; and a sister who inspires me more than she could ever know. Each day when I walk out of my house I am reminded that my environment has shaped me into the proud, independent woman I am today.

My parents painted their life skills on the canvas that is my future. From the day I was born my parents wanted nothing more than for me to behave politely. People are shocked with my "yes Sir and no Sir" responses, but I thank my parents for each time I was complimented on this. I believe having manners is a necessity in everyday life. Additionally, everyday that I walk into my house I am reminded that my parents sacrifice the salary they earn for me to dance. From this sacrifice I have learned the value of a dollar and appreciate each opportunity life presents me. The encouraging "you can do it honey" from the audience at every dance competition has lead me to have an optimistic and confident view of life. I can not thank my parents enough for influencing me the way they have.

Stephanie, my younger sister, is the most mature fifteen-year-old I have ever met. She is the fishing hook that reels me back in from my fantasy world. When I want to escape to this world she uncoils my strength and perseverance to accomplish any task by inspiring me to succeed. Stephanie's stability in who she is has allowed me to exude my bubbly, inviting, generous personality to the world without the fear of rejection. My sister has truly helped create my outgoing personality.

Pieces of my parent's support and sacrificial nature, a pinch of my younger sister's inspiration, and a loving, inviting environment have influenced every aspect of my life. College will be a whole new environment that will also help develop me as an individual, but I will always have the basis of who I am from the environment I have grown up in, my home.

Undergraduate / UCF - 'Accepting the challenge' - bump in the road, explain circumstances [2]

Little did I know that a "For Sale" sign would test my strength and perseverance.
Fettered by youth, doubt and distance it came time to face separation that comes with any long distance relationship.
The news stung me like a fire ant, unanticipated and painful. My boyfriend was moving. Immediately comments like "you are too young to take on this responsibility" and "long distance relationships never work" consumed my thoughts. However, I knew this was my time to prove to myself and everyone else that I could indeed overcome this obstacle. I gathered the necessary ingredients to maintain a functional loving relationship. I fought this struggle with the glowing beams of optimism while telling myself that things would only get easier. Fortunately, they did. My organizational skills peaked when I arranged monthly visits, and I creatively found time to see him every night with the assistance of a webcam. Despite the four hundred miles separating us, I made time for him every day. Additionally, my parent's support brought out my inner strength and encouraged me to persevere. The anxiety of betrayal or falling out of love never fazed me. I have never once doubted my ability of upholding my responsibility and my commitment to the relationship.

Many college freshmen fear the distance and separation from their loved ones. I however accept the challenge. I have learned through this experience that disconnection makes you stronger.

Is this approach ok? Anything I can do to improve? Any suggestions welcome :)

Undergraduate / 'My boyfriend is moving' - UF: experience & affect your college experience [NEW]

Little did I know that a "For Sale" sign would test my strength and perseverance.
Fettered by youth, doubt, and distance it came time to face the separation that comes with any long distance relationship.

The news stung me like a fire ant, unanticipated and painful. My boyfriend was moving. Immediately comments like "You are too young to take on this responsibility" and "Long distance relationships never work" consumed my thoughts. However, I knew this was my time to prove to myself and everyone else that I could indeed overcome this obstacle. I gathered the necessary ingredients to maintain a functional loving relationship. I fought this struggle with the glowing beams of optimism while telling myself that things would only get easier. Fortunately, they did. My organizational skills peaked when I arranged monthly visits, and I creatively found time to see him every night with the assistance of a webcam. Despite the four hundred miles separating us, I made time for him every day. Additionally, my parents' support brought out my inner strength and encouraged me to persevere. The anxiety of betrayal or falling out of love never fazed me. I have never once doubted my ability of upholding my responsibility and my commitment to the relationship. Since the day my boyfriend moved away, we have been strong and stayed together despite the distance. Every day I am proud to say that I, a teenager, can maintain a long distance relationship.

When dreaming about the college lifestyle one must also consider leaving their loved ones and living in a new fresh environment. Most college freshmen have never been fully dependent and have no experience dealing with separation; I however have mastered this obstacle. After having to be strong through the distance separating my boyfriend and me, I have learned a sense of independence and inner strength. My newly found characteristics will allow me to be focused on my academics and my involvement in the University of Florida community, not how homesick I would feel. Additionally, my optimism and high spirits regarding leaving home will aid students in finding their independence as well. Being away from the security blanket that is our home frightens most incoming college applicants, but because of my long distance relationship I am confident that despite the distance I am enthralled to commence my college experience.

I have learned through my long distance relationship that disconnection makes you stronger. Many college freshmen fear the distance and separation from their loved ones. I however accept the challenge.