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Posts by chloebear
Joined: Jan 10, 2011
Last Post: Jan 10, 2011
Threads: -
Posts: 3  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 3
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chloebear   
Jan 10, 2011
Undergraduate / Modernization of a Hometown - Common App [3]

I am not sure that this is the direction you want to go in. Yes, this answers the prompt but from what you have written I don't see a real sense of emotion or why this person is important to you. The description of the camp, and the kid do not seem to correlate. As a reader, I did not understand why he was there or the connection you made with him.
chloebear   
Jan 10, 2011
Undergraduate / "a new love for math" - subjects in which you excel or have excelled. [3]

Instead of curiosity you might try problem solving.
How do you overcome some of the difficulties that math has presented? How does this relate to your character?
I think you could have a much stronger topic sentence, the one you have now is a bit average.
chloebear   
Jan 10, 2011
Undergraduate / "I have an addiction to Dunkin Donuts Coffee" - Undergrad [5]

Could you post the prompt?

I don't understand the correlation between drinking coffee and who you are, it just seems like you enjoy coffee. My advice would be to expand on why this period of relaxation is so important to you and why its different from just drinking coffee.
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