aaustinnn
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Would "Escape" from an undesirable suburb be an appropriate essay topic? [6]
I unfortunately had to spend my freshman year in a Dallas suburb i really hated because my mom was in the process of marrying my step dad and he lived there, and i didn't make it into the arts magnet high school i desired due to being out of district (waiting list). Even though i didn't like anyone there (and retained no friends to this day) I still worked hard at my musical craft, showing up for all marching band events i hated, (I was a pit percussionist with a bunch of people who sucked because i never got to audition), learning complicated pieces for solo & ensemble (this was better, as it challenged me) and eventually re auditioning for the magnet school and making it. However, i have a feeling that it may too condescending, as i write about the vast conformity of all the kids there and their stupid name brands and elitist attitudes, I wouldn't want to offend someone affiliated with this sort of thing.. But could it equally be a great tool to showing myself as an individual, and hard worker? This is the most personal and real topic/challenge I could think of. I even started with an intense, metaphoric action sequence (not complete, just a rough draft)
(First sentence will definitely be changed, just had no idea what to put)
I ran, I swam so far away. Every stroke away from their specious establishment ironically brought new energy, the crawling shoreline ahead brought new hope. The islanders were enraged, they shot harpoons, chucked spears, and even waded in after me, their Abercrombie loincloths sloshing beneath them. The hooks of Abercrombie bay... [..]
... had saved my life again from these viscous creatures, kissed it, and fled with all my might, spears lining my hurried footprints. Of course, the moving truck would come for my things the next day.
(i will later explain the letter from Dr. Isd as my acceptance later, any other creative ideas of how to express this?)
So, honest opinions, is this essay appropriate?
Prompt is: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
(for the common app by the way)
Thanks!
I unfortunately had to spend my freshman year in a Dallas suburb i really hated because my mom was in the process of marrying my step dad and he lived there, and i didn't make it into the arts magnet high school i desired due to being out of district (waiting list). Even though i didn't like anyone there (and retained no friends to this day) I still worked hard at my musical craft, showing up for all marching band events i hated, (I was a pit percussionist with a bunch of people who sucked because i never got to audition), learning complicated pieces for solo & ensemble (this was better, as it challenged me) and eventually re auditioning for the magnet school and making it. However, i have a feeling that it may too condescending, as i write about the vast conformity of all the kids there and their stupid name brands and elitist attitudes, I wouldn't want to offend someone affiliated with this sort of thing.. But could it equally be a great tool to showing myself as an individual, and hard worker? This is the most personal and real topic/challenge I could think of. I even started with an intense, metaphoric action sequence (not complete, just a rough draft)
(First sentence will definitely be changed, just had no idea what to put)
I ran, I swam so far away. Every stroke away from their specious establishment ironically brought new energy, the crawling shoreline ahead brought new hope. The islanders were enraged, they shot harpoons, chucked spears, and even waded in after me, their Abercrombie loincloths sloshing beneath them. The hooks of Abercrombie bay... [..]
... had saved my life again from these viscous creatures, kissed it, and fled with all my might, spears lining my hurried footprints. Of course, the moving truck would come for my things the next day.
(i will later explain the letter from Dr. Isd as my acceptance later, any other creative ideas of how to express this?)
So, honest opinions, is this essay appropriate?
Prompt is: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
(for the common app by the way)
Thanks!