mcooper
Jan 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Students have to study a wide range of subjects, even the ones they don't like. [3]
Firstly, a lot of spelling errors or typos: second paragraph, second line you typed expects instead of experts, then bairns instead of brains then in the third paragraph it says schools should go a extra mile instead of the extra mile. I would suggest a program with spell check to get the rest or just go over it very carefully. Secondly, most of the sentences are fragments. Thirdly, what exactly is your thesis? You need to clearly define that in the beginning and make sure all your statements go back to the thesis. In the last paragraph you say "in conclusion, teenagers are playful" but you did not really make that clear earlier in the essay. Saying that teachers should provide more hands on learning styles does not really get across the point that teenagers are playful, do you know what I mean?
Hope that helps.
Firstly, a lot of spelling errors or typos: second paragraph, second line you typed expects instead of experts, then bairns instead of brains then in the third paragraph it says schools should go a extra mile instead of the extra mile. I would suggest a program with spell check to get the rest or just go over it very carefully. Secondly, most of the sentences are fragments. Thirdly, what exactly is your thesis? You need to clearly define that in the beginning and make sure all your statements go back to the thesis. In the last paragraph you say "in conclusion, teenagers are playful" but you did not really make that clear earlier in the essay. Saying that teachers should provide more hands on learning styles does not really get across the point that teenagers are playful, do you know what I mean?
Hope that helps.