Undergraduate / Cultural diversity is important to our American culture; UofM diversity [NEW]

ok, i have most of it written...this stupid liberal diversity essay (sorry if i offend anyone in that). I need some help with revising things like adjectives, the overall flow and focus, and whatever else you think. I also need to add a bit (its like 217 words)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

answer:

As Americans, we often see ourselves as different from the rest of the world, but we are simply a combination of an incalculable number of cultures. This was made apparent to me my senior year, when we received an exchange student named Florian from Germany.

Florian joined the Varsity tennis team, which I was already a part of; this gave me an opportunity to meet and talk to him, when otherwise I would not have. My friends and I had interesting conversations with him, mainly about the difference between our cultures and everyday life. I thought some customs that were normal in Germany seemed peculiar in the US, and he thought likewise. Most were little things like the food. I found it fascinating and accurate when he commented that the quality of our bread is somewhat disappointing, and also that we (us?) Americans tend to put nearly everything on bread in one form or another. (ie.: hamburgers, sandwiches, rolls)

I began to respect these cultural differences and realize that these are not only important, but vital to our own culture. With this knowledge and acceptance, I believe I have become more open to meeting new people, especially those from other cultures and upbringings. I know that this acceptance would greatly contribute to the already outstanding diversity at the University of Michigan.

Book Reports / UofM Book that impacted you essay - 1984 application essay [2]

Here is my semi-rough draft for the main University of Michigan application essay. I have NOT added a conclusion yet and would like suggestions for that.

Please help me tweak it and make it consistent and focused, as well as any grammatical errors that need fixing. Thanks.

Q: Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or
provocative. Explain why it made an impact
on you.

"War is Peace. Freedom Is Slavery. Ignorance Is Strength" This is the motto of the oppressive, totalitarian state government in 1984, George Orwell's haunting, provocative novel. 1984 deals with a dystopian future of our world in which the government (known as the Party) controls every action of the public and manipulates them through fear and deprivation. A man, Winston, begins to realize the deception and tyranny that is taking place and rebels against it, only to be forcefully struck down. It's messages and themes run deep, and are still relevant, perhaps now more than ever. This book's themes and idea's have had an immense impact on me and my views on society and individuality.

One of Orwell's largest themes regards identity and individuality. Through its relentless manipulation and control, the Party wipes out all sense of identity in the people they rule. They control everything from clothes to food and even thoughts. People are punished harshly for "thought-crimes", any words, gestures or actions against the government or contrary to its rule. In 1984, the government is an ominous presence constantly looming over Winston, the protagonist, and other citizens. As Americans today, we are often lost in the shuffle of everyday life and we just conform to what society teaches us, not willing to stand out and speak our mind for what is right.

Another theme that Orwell tackles is the influence of the media (in the book's case, propaganda) on the citizens. The party is extremely organized and effective in their techniques of manipulating the people subconsciously. They even go as far as changing history to reflect the Party's beliefs, and the citizens accept this without a thought. While not to this extreme degree, these days, it also seems like the media has advertising down to a science, shifting people's viewpoint on what is right, fashionable or acceptable in society. There is rarely a day when I go without realizing that at least some part of our modern advertising is immoral or corrupt. In Orwell's world the media is so effective that the people hardly realize that they are being so heavily influenced, which eerily echoes parts of our modern media.

An aspect of the story that made me think was censorship. Today, one cannot help feeling that much of the news reported is not entirely accurate, or at least slanted in a way that casts a negative light on its subjects or wrongfully praises others. In the novel, history is essentially re-written, and modern news is severely moderated to make the Party seem immaculate and just, while enemies are slandered and badmouthed. In both cases, the public deserves to know the facts or at least not be lied to, directly or through omission. 1984 has helped me to become more aware of this. One quote that stuck out to me involves a government official trying to convince Winston after torturing him that something irrational is true if only because the Party says it is.

"How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four."
"Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane."

(insert clever conclusion before quote underneath.)
"But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother."