Writing Feedback / What role should Australia play in future world affairs? [15]

Haha,you guys aren't the only ones going for that scholarship!

I was reading through both of your essays after completing my own and was torn as to whether or not to actually give advice to my competitors. Even as I write this I'm still slightly undecided.

What I did want to say though was, while I thought both essays were good they had a flaw consistent to both: You don't link to the topic very well.

Also callumvan, for the sake of all that is holy, please rewrite that essay in the third person. A good essay should never refer to "we" and "our" it should always be "Australia's" and "their".

Goodluck, and may the best essay win ;p

Writing Feedback / What role should Australia play in future world affairs? [15]

Good to hear my advice was helpful, even if that did mean fraternizing with the enemy! No, I joke. I have also finished my essay now and sent it off.

I have a slight obsession with France and particularily it's rich history--you would be scared how much I can tell you about Marie Antoinette, Napoleon and the revolution-- and culture as well as a massive desire to become fluent in the language. So I will definitely be heading to France with my FULL scholarship ;p I know this partially bacuase I'm totally gonna kick your ass and partially because if I get a half scholarship I won't be able to go.

What about you? Where do you want to go and why? I'm also currently wondering when we'll actually find out the results as no definite dates are given and all you can really assume is that it will be before September. Any clues?

Writing Feedback / What role should Australia play in future world affairs? [15]

Ha! Graceful winner? I think you should be practicing to be a graceful loser! And I'm sorry to say that I'm probably not going to be that graceful when I win, a reasonable amount of gloating will probably happen.

Good idea not to ask about France as I don't think I could be bothered typing up everything I know. The funny thing is that logically I should probably have applied to go to Germany instead as I learn German at school. Admittedly, it is against my will, I applied for French and got rejected, but still. I just don't really have an interest in it. If The Netherlands had been on the list I may have applied for that as I'm dutch, though the only words I can say in dutch are quite offensive ;p

Wow, that's some ambition, I'm guessing your one of those annoying people who are both smart and sporty. Grrr... I can't do sport, I fall too much. Or walk/run into team mates, which they don't appreciate. It doesn't matter however as I'm interested in studying law at the Sorbonne in France so this exchange would set me up for that.

I kind of doubt they'll actually be able to read all those essays by the announcement date and if they do I'll be both really impressed and a little suspicious. Impressed that they at least looked them over but very suspicious that they probably didn't read them and judge them properly.

If I, by some horrible mistake I only get one of the half scholarships instead of the full one I fully deserve, I hope I have enough time between working through the horrible piles of homework MacRob likes to give us to earn the money. *sigh* I hate my job but France would be worth it.

Ack. Now that you told me the date (and since I've had a lot of coffee today) I'm all jittery and anxious as it's not that far away!

Writing Feedback / What role should Australia play in future world affairs? [15]

Haha! I love the idea that I come across as someone who knows exactly what I want. I really have no idea! Well I guess that's not totally true. I know what my perfect career would entail; if I could be anything I would be a writer as I love to read and write and am even almost finished writing my own novel. Law is more of a backup. It's been changed so many times. Neurosurgeon. Vet. Lawyer. etc. Ugh. It's so ridiculous that such important decisions have to be made while we're so young! Law is my current thing though as it's humanities based as they're my strong points, seems interesting, involves debating as I'm awesome at arguing (if I do say so myself) and I started VCE Biology this year and hate it so anything medical has been shoved off the table.

You have to at least have some idea of what you'd like to do? A field of work you'd like to go into?

Of course in my family there's never been much of a range of choices. My parents don't believe in arts degrees, to quote "they are for the people who don't know what they want to do and just want to say they've had a university education". Which is ironic as neither of my parents even finished high school let alone got to university. Ugh, hypocrites annoy me.

Haha, I'm kind of jealous that your good at sport, as I said last time I have no ability at it. Too much co-ordination is necessary! I am definitely more academic, otherwise I'd have nothing! And as for the idea of sleep? I never get to the stage of not being able to lift a finger due to my "slight" addiction to coffee! I'm definitely more of a night owl anyway. I do my best work at night, stay up ridiculously late and then have to wake up at five to get to school on time. That explains the caffeine addiction at least. It's completely necessary.

I wish the same thing for you! It sounds like that even though you don't know specifically what you want you at least know that you want to see the world. I can definitely relate. If I don't do anything of note in my entire life I'd like to at least be able to say I've seen the world and not just the tiny corner of it that is Australia. And not just seen it but lived it. Even if I don't get this scholarship I want to at some point live in France.

The sad thing about you saying law is ambitious is that, while I agree, at my school which is highly academic unless you want to do something medical your seen as virtually a failure.

Thats sounds like quite an accurate guess for the process they'll go through. What shocks me though is that there has been no mention of an interview. I would've thought they'd shortlist based on applications and then interview, though I guess this could be interstate and a bit impractical.

I'm getting nervous too! It's such a big oppurtunity. One that could both change your life and help develop who you are as a person. And even though I also know that I probably don't even have a shot, I hope as well. Because really, hope is what people live on. Unless you're me, then it's coffee :D

Writing Feedback / What role should Australia play in future world affairs? [15]

It's awesome that you've had an extension and good luck, though of course you have no chance next to me ;p Just kidding!

So I skimmed your essay as I'm in a rush and as you said it does seem to be a bit long so I have a few suggestions.

While the anecdote/example of you and your best friend are nice for an essay of this type they're a bit informal. You should never speak in first person, you should always be the unseen author we know is writing the essay but isn't identified.

I also think that in an essay of this sort, if you still need to cut some stuff you should choose three main arguments/examples then go into massive depth about them instead of only skimming the surface of heaps of issues.

Also, don't forget you don't have to go right to the word limit, it's there as a guide.

I hope this helps a little :) and good luck!