Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages of the internet. Increasing the living standards? [6]

Concerning the issue the internet making the world smaller by bringing people together, people hold different views. Personally, I do partically support this statement and will discuss the resons why in this essay.

Nowadays, the internet is developing very fast, It not only become a part of our life but also be essential tool and play an important role to fields. Moreover, It is covenience way to get information, update and share your expierience, you can communicate with other people in the world by email or chatting. As a result, the internet help us to widen our knowlegde, connect people arrounding and make relationship between people and people becoming shorter. For example, businessman have broadcasted their products by the way uploading the information and imagine on the internet and interacting with customers through their feedbacks. In addition, more young people are using the internet to improve their education, sitting in front of a computer, clicking a mouse some times, they can access to a lot of education programs. These have contens, which are very diversity and abundance.

However, the internet also brings many advantages. We can access the internet easily and fast. So, we can not prevent unsuitable information. For example, advertisements and stories are irreal. Spammers and hackers can invade your private and get personal information. Consequencely, many people are becoming vicitms of sex abuse and criminals.

In conclusion. Although, the internet still exists many problems, It has distributed to make our life conveniencely and confortablely, everyone is becoming closer. It is hope that, the internet will continute a strong development and incresing our living standard in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Children work for money varites from country to country. [4]

hi! everybody can help me to find out many my mistake. thanks a lot!

Topic: The age at which children are allowed to work for money varites from country to country. While some people believe it is wrong, others regard it as a valuable opportunity to gain experience of the work environment.

Discuss the argument for and against children paticipating in paid work.

Concerning the issue chilren participating in paid work, people hold different views. Personally, I firmly think that this statement is not totally correct, and will analyzed in the frame of the topic as follows.

I am certain that children work for money varies has brought out many benefits. The first of all, after finishing a traning course or holiday, children can can use their free time to earn money. Because, It helps them to learn about independent life and understand value of money that they are often recieved from their parent. Moreover, through variety of working which they have done from country to country, children have more opportunity to approach to the realities everyday life. These do not educate in their school such as culture, life style, cuisine, etc. The second of all, this is a good condition for them to share their feeling and information with other people in country where they come. therefore, children is not only widened their knowledge but also being educate about moral and responsibility with the public and family.

However, It can bring many problems. Firstly, more parents are worry about the passive effects of work for money to their children. if children spend too much time for working, they will leave out their learning in the school. Next, children still lack of both physical and spiritual development. So, they are not enough experience to meet the demand of work. In addition, they are easy to commit in their life. For example, children can become victims of the robbers or other crimes.

In conclusion, children want to work for money to have more effectively, they have to balance between working and learning. I hope that participating in paid work will contribute to increase the living standard of them.