etruffle
May 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / story based on the painting Scream [10]
I'm getting close to my GCSE's and my essay writing really isn't up to the best standard. My teacher is pretty hopeless and treats me like i'm imbecile whenever i ask questions. I would really appreciate any help or editing because theres only so much you can get from a book,
i would really appreciate any feedback as i am pretty desperate my exams are less than a month away.
i was given the ensignment to write a descriptive story on the painting scream
This is the basis of what ive come up with(please dont laugh its quite bad )
i am having a nightmare remembering the night my best friend died. We met up with these guys she met the other day who invited her to come down to the dock. My friend is gonna be quite an airhead so she thought it would be fun and managed to get me to come with her. the guys were doing the usual of smoking etc. and my friend joined in to be 'cool'. i wasnt keen and wanted to go. the guys brought us to a warehouse and a fire accidently started. me and my friend run for it down the docks and we hear the police sirens men are chasing us and my friend accidently knocks a heavy container which forces her into the water were she drowns Etc..
this is as much as i've got, dont hesitate to edit anything
Scrambling through the shadows, choking on silent screams, she whispers to me. Echoing afflicting words which trigger the memory of that night.
I'm back there. Hells blazing colours ignite the sky above exposing every hidden shadow.
I'm getting close to my GCSE's and my essay writing really isn't up to the best standard. My teacher is pretty hopeless and treats me like i'm imbecile whenever i ask questions. I would really appreciate any help or editing because theres only so much you can get from a book,
i would really appreciate any feedback as i am pretty desperate my exams are less than a month away.
i was given the ensignment to write a descriptive story on the painting scream
This is the basis of what ive come up with(please dont laugh its quite bad )
i am having a nightmare remembering the night my best friend died. We met up with these guys she met the other day who invited her to come down to the dock. My friend is gonna be quite an airhead so she thought it would be fun and managed to get me to come with her. the guys were doing the usual of smoking etc. and my friend joined in to be 'cool'. i wasnt keen and wanted to go. the guys brought us to a warehouse and a fire accidently started. me and my friend run for it down the docks and we hear the police sirens men are chasing us and my friend accidently knocks a heavy container which forces her into the water were she drowns Etc..
this is as much as i've got, dont hesitate to edit anything
Scrambling through the shadows, choking on silent screams, she whispers to me. Echoing afflicting words which trigger the memory of that night.
I'm back there. Hells blazing colours ignite the sky above exposing every hidden shadow.