Posts by sol

sol

Oct 17, 2008

Writing Feedback / Essay about my weekend activities [3]

I was asked to write an essay about my weekend activity. I would be grateful if any one review my draft essay and give me a comment or edit the whole essay for me. Thank you.

Solomon

This Friday and Saturday were passed as usual; working almost the whole day on Friday and half day on Saturday, driving the city bus on the same route and also dealing with the same passengers. The main things I done this weekend was; submitted my assignment and quiz answers, went to church and mowed the grass on the front yard.

Since I start my distance education, I spent all my spare time reading my text book and research related topics on the internet to improve my knowledge and answer all the questions asked by my instructor. So, Saturday after noon was the day I spent long time to edit my essay draft before I submitted for score. When I finished editing, I read it again and again but I wasn't satisfied on my work. At this moment, I remember my instructor's suggestion. So, I decide to read it again on Sunday. So, I saved my work and turned off my computer.

The next day Sunday was a little chilly in the morning. However, my fiancé and I didn't change our mind from going church. The church was about 25 miles away from our home. We stayed there until 1:00pm. After church, my fiancé and I went to our favorite restaurant us usual to eat our lunch. By the time we get home it was 3:30pm.

Finally, after a little rest; watching movie and chat with my fiancé, I went to the front yard to mow the grasses. This is the worse part of owning the house; cleaning, mowing and gardening every time.

This weekend passed as usual doing assignments, went church and working around the house. And it will continue until a significant change in my life. Who knows, one day I would win a lottery and travel the world and relax around the beaches on weekends with my fiancé. Until then I am Ok with it.

sol

Oct 18, 2008

Writing Feedback / Essay about my weekend activities [3]

Hello Gloria,
I really don't have words how much appreciated your comments and feedback. I wish I knew about this website long time ago. Thank you.

Solomon

sol

Oct 21, 2008

Essays / "DEATH PENALTY" ; Essay on a controversial issue. [4]

I have been asked by my instructor to write an essay on controversial issue. It should be a minimum of twelve pages. The topic is 'Death Penalty'. The first assignment is, to provide a thesis statement (Question) and make an out line. My outline should have three points and each point need to have another three sub points. Here is my thesis statement and outline. I didn't think sub point for my third point. Please help me to edit my out line and give me comments. Do you think I can have enough information for my essay? Do you have any idea how I begin my essay? Any idea you think helpful is very welcome. Thank you.

Solomon

Why many people think death penalty is unfair and unacceptable?

I. Due to religion
A. Death penalty is against religion.
1. They think this is the same as murder.
2. It doesn't teach the person who already made a crime.
B. Human beings don't have a right to take someone's life.
1. It seems like to take over the power of God.
2. It is a legalized murder by another name.
C. All human beings have the right to live.

II. Death penalty is not enough punishment.
A. It is the easy way out for criminals.
B. It is less punishment than others who sentenced for life.
1. Less suffer.
C.
1.
2.

III. Unfair justice
A. Innocent people can executed.
1. People made many errors in judgment.
2. It doesn't give chance for defendants to prove their innocence.
B. People can set up by others to do crime.
1. By forcing them.
2.
C. The Death Penalty can not be applied fairly to all people.

sol

Oct 21, 2008

Essays / "DEATH PENALTY" ; Essay on a controversial issue. [4]

Hello Gloria,
Thank you for your quick response. I just got home from work, that's the reason why I was late to reply for your questions. Let me start from your first question:

"What supporting facts/details/examples do you plan on using for your first topic, section C?"
How knowledgeable person you are Gloria?
Do you know how this question saved me from a big mistake?
When I was read some researches about 'death penalty' many people wrote, some religions protest killing of human beings because it is written in their holly books. So, when I make the first section in my outline I thought I can get enough supporting facts/details/ examples from those books, but when I checked some of them after I read your questions, I found 100% opposite information. This is what I got in Bible, "Anyone who takes another person's life must be put to death." Leviticus 24:17. Further more, Muslims believe all human beings right to live with exception "...it is prohibited to take away life except for a shari'ah prescribed reason..." So, I think I am screwed up. So, I have to replace everything in the first section by other idea. I hope you can help me with that.

Your second question was "What do you mean by less suffering? For the condemned individual?" No, it wasn't. It was for criminals who sentenced to death. I was trying to compare the suffering between the people executed and the people who staying their life time in prison until death. Both will die but the people executed die with out suffering. So, which one of them are beneficiary from this? This is what I was trying to say.

This is how I corrected my outline regarding your comments, but I left blank the first section. I will try to find something and I will post it as soon as I find one, but in the mean time, if you have some idea please let me know. Thank you.

Solomon

Why many people think death penalty is unfair and unacceptable?

I.
A.
1.
2.
B.
1.
2.
C.

II. Why is it less punishment than life sentences?
A. It is the easy way out for criminals.
B. It is less punishment than others who sentenced for life.
1. Less suffering.
C. What about the financial burdens placed on the institution carrying out the sentence?
1.
2.

III. Unfair justice
A. Innocent people can executed.
1. People made many errors in judgment.
2. Isn't the trial process enough of a chance to prove their innocence?
B. People can set up by others to do crime.
1. By forcing them.
2. What about DNA?
C. The Death Penalty can not be applied fairly to all people.
1. An example of why it wouldn't be fair to one person.
2. An example of why it wouldn't be fair to another person in another situation.