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Posts by thismaniscrazy
Joined: Aug 17, 2011
Last Post: Aug 19, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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thismaniscrazy   
Aug 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Identical Triplets - Common App Essay//topic of choice [5]

Hey guys and gals!! First essay here. I hope that this site will be helpful, and will try my best to help you too!

INSTRUCTIONS:
Please write an essay of 250 - 500 words on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below, and attach it to your application before submission. Please indicate your topic by checking the appropriate box. This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. NOTE: Your Common Application essay should be the same for all colleges. Do not customize it in any way for individual colleges. Colleges that want customized essay responses will ask for them on a supplement form.

Without further ado, here it is!! Enjoy!
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There are very few sets of identical triplet males in the world. And I am deeply honored to be one of them.

17 years ago, I came into this world, screaming and crying. My incessant wails could be heard throughout the government hospital in South India. My tiny body shivering in the cool room, drenched in blood. But I did not come alone. On either side of me, lay my slightly-older and my slightly-younger brother. Together, we were a sight indeed.

I can imagine the look on my father's face: raw emotion. Happiness mixed with pride, fear and anxiety. He told me later that he had almost fainted from all the stress. After all of the initial tests had said that we were all healthy, my father told me he was the happiest man on the face of the Earth.

My poor mother, on the other hand, had passed out a long time ago. She had had pains for a while, which resulted in a C-section a full month before the scheduled due date. She woke up from a deep sleep a few days later and just smiled. She held each one of us closely; our youthful little heads snuggled on her chest.

Fast-forward four-and-a-half years, we were moving to America and my entire life shifted. Here I am, a 3 foot-tall Indian child in a land where I don't speak the language, seeing things I've never seen before. Everything was different, save for one thing: the looks on people's faces when they saw us three.

The best thing -and worst-about being a triplet is that someone is always there. My brothers are only too willing to lend out harsh comments and snide remarks. Along with their commentary, their presence has followed me everywhere. Throughout my childhood, I distinctly remember doing everything together. To everyone else, it was cool to say that they had triplets over; to me, it was normal. My atypical moments of

being alone with my thoughts have truly been refreshing.

The good is coupled with the bad with all special things. If I need a friend, a workout partner, a critic, a tutor, a shoulder to lean on, I've been blessed with two of each. I honestly cannot remember a time in my life when I've been lonely or bored. Each moment is something new and that I cherish deeply.

Thought it may seem like my house was a hectic mess, it has been a wonderful childhood. Now, we have reached our biggest challenge: college. While I will be sad when we part ways, there is an eager and excited energy within me. The thoughts of being alone with knowledge all around me is quite electrifying. When my peers look at me in college, they look at me, not us.

I am completely used to getting stares everywhere I go. Not because I look different, but because I look similar. Without my two brothers, I would not be a triplet; I would not be me.
thismaniscrazy   
Aug 18, 2011
Undergraduate / "describing the information unwanted" - admission essay. Track is my way of life. [5]

Here are a few things that I've changed. To me, this is how the essay (at least the first part) will sound better. I've corrected them in red :D

Going to a middle school where all my friends were in sports, I naturally joined in with them. Ever since we finished our track season with the win at district , I knew I would run track in high school and college. Running track through school will help give me the opportunity to get into good college, helping me accomplish my long term goals.

....me accomplish my long term goals. What long-term goals? Carry on with what they are.
Talk about what track has done for you. Has it made you stronger? If so, mentally, physically, or both?
Talk about why you want to do track? Is it for scholarships or because you truly love it? People love dedication and passion!!
Describe your best run. (I think you should start with this, because it starts suddenly and can catch the reader's eye. Once again, my thoughts on how I would do it! )

Hope this helps!! Let me know how it goes! I am looking forward to reading a longer, more-construted piece!!
-VM
thismaniscrazy   
Aug 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Impact Essay-Alan Brinkley [7]

MAN! NOW THAT WAS A GOOD ESSAY!! It had a little bit of everything: passion, dedication, humor, good syntax, strong diction choice, great sentence length. I throughly enjoyed it.

Now for my thoughts...

I would start off with a stronger, more excting hook. Yours is good, but it is slightly bland. No offense. Seeing the rest of the essay, it seems lacking. I think you could start with a different intro, maybe your favorite day of class or something. Idk. But I think it could be better!!

When you decide to embark on such a treacherous journey, you are equipped with three main tools: a pen with which to scribble copious amounts of notes, a binder to keep those notes in, and most important of all, Alan Brinkley's 1,056 page American History: A Survey. (you forgot a colon)

But I was also blonde and an athlete, and in a school where a high percentage of the kids in advanced classes were of Asian descent, so I stuck out.

I don't know if you should use rhetorical questions in this essay. It's good use of it, but idk if the common app essay is where it should be applied. Just something that seems odd to me...

As I walked around Westwood, carrying my book, I became part of the cult, those crazy enough to attempt APUSH. (this last part seems kinda wierd. i think it should be "a cult, crazy enough to attempt APUSH". )

At night, I rushed through the rest of ....

Every time I read a section, I was amazed...

To me, it was just a manner of....

My experience with Brinkley came to an head end as the....

Outside the gym door , awaited last years APUSH....

All in all, these are minor corrections. It is a very solid essay!! Out of curiosity, where are you appyling? I too am doing the Common APP so read my essay too!!

-VM
thismaniscrazy   
Aug 18, 2011
Undergraduate / Impact Essay-Alan Brinkley [7]

hahah thanks! im appyling to : u of minnesota, u of wis-madison, stanford, u of illinois at chicago, u of illinois at urbana-champaign, carleton college, u of michighan and also U OF CHICAGO!!!! nice!!
thismaniscrazy   
Aug 19, 2011
Undergraduate / Impact Essay-Alan Brinkley [7]

hahah yeah. i live in MN. my top choice is madison or uiuc. Hbu?
and i could help you with your u-chicago supplement, if you help me with mine!!!
thismaniscrazy   
Aug 19, 2011
Undergraduate / "describing the information unwanted" - admission essay. Track is my way of life. [5]

actually you're right. the first sounds better. this one sounds a little... forced if that makes sense. follow what i said earlier about carrying on and it should be a success. NOTE: im not like an all-being on writing or something. I write pretty well and this is how i would go about this essay. take advice from others too!!

that being said, i think youre showing great promise, and you have a good idea. it is still a little foggy, but if you put a little thought and effort, it will be great!

-VM
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