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Posts by manveer954
Joined: Aug 19, 2011
Last Post: Aug 23, 2011
Threads: 1
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From: United States

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manveer954   
Aug 19, 2011
Undergraduate / There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the raising environment. [3]

So I have to write my college supplements and here is one I have to write for Tufts University, Can someone please help me out and edit it, or give me some tips on how to improve. All help would be appreciated.

I used to live the first fifteen years of my life in a shop house. I was born, bred, and raised in that double story flat. My parents were both doctors at that time and they worked tirelessly every day. The shop house was actually an office as my parent would work downstairs and I would live upstairs with my other two siblings. That way it would be easier for them to work twenty four hours a day for six days a week without hesitation. I never spent much time with them, when dad was working, mum would be sleeping and they would shift it around the next day. This would go on for fifteen years but as I grew older and went to school, I realized the difficulty my parents went through to provide my family with the best education. They didn't buy a fancy car, live in bungalow with a swimming pool, or even go sightseeing around the world because they chose to put the children's education the priority before everything else. This experience enriched me; I will never forget that they are the ones who have influenced me to become the strong willed achiever I am today. I work hard, play hard and study hard because the key to a successful future lies only in my hands, and I will do whatever it takes to make them proud so that their sacrifice will not go in vain.
manveer954   
Aug 23, 2011
Grammar, Usage / fragments, run-ons, and comma splices [3]

You might want to stop after bulding things, before starting with as a child, "All his life, however, Mclurkin enjoyed building things."

But Im not convinced at what you would like me to revise?
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