apa9688
Sep 6, 2011
Undergraduate / Learning appeals most to me - FSU essay [2]
I'm nowhere near done with this, and it's just a first draft that i've spent 20 minutes on, but i'd like to know if i'm making it too personal and if that's taking away from the actual prompt. I'm wondering if it sounds like more of an "obstance in the road" essay. Here it is, although unfinished, any advice would help. Thanks!!!
As most students make their journey through the gruesome four years of high school, they grow a much bigger appreciation for those simple times back in kindergarten, when our days consisted of coloring, running around and napping. However, for me it was significantly different. When I was six years old, my family and I moved from a big-city capital in Brazil to a suburban city in Florida. Two days following my arrival, I was placed in a kindergarten class and immediately surrounded by toddlers who were well aware that I was not like them. I deeply observed my new environment, and I immediately realized I was in for it. Although I was young, I was well aware that I had much to learn. All around me people spoke a language I didn't understand, the big colorful posters on the classroom walls were filled with words that meant nothing to me. I was incredibly overwhelmed, but I did not crumble under the pressure. I knew I could overcome this challenge if I persevered and focused hard enough. I was able to use my knowledge of Spanish as a common ground between my teachers and I, which helped me greatly. I took on the challenge of reading grade-level books, and subsequently, my understanding of this whole new language increased dramatically. It was not long before I proved myself capable of moving up to the first grade, where I originally belonged due to my age. I was now making many friends and efficiently interacting with others, while speaking fluent English. This was a monumental accomplishment for me, which has made me realize the importance of discovery and knowledge through learning an entirely new language. Overcoming such a significant obstacle through the simple act of learning has shown me how knowledge is the key to success. Thus, learning is the characteristic that appeals most to me overall, because without it I would not be where I am today.
I'm nowhere near done with this, and it's just a first draft that i've spent 20 minutes on, but i'd like to know if i'm making it too personal and if that's taking away from the actual prompt. I'm wondering if it sounds like more of an "obstance in the road" essay. Here it is, although unfinished, any advice would help. Thanks!!!
As most students make their journey through the gruesome four years of high school, they grow a much bigger appreciation for those simple times back in kindergarten, when our days consisted of coloring, running around and napping. However, for me it was significantly different. When I was six years old, my family and I moved from a big-city capital in Brazil to a suburban city in Florida. Two days following my arrival, I was placed in a kindergarten class and immediately surrounded by toddlers who were well aware that I was not like them. I deeply observed my new environment, and I immediately realized I was in for it. Although I was young, I was well aware that I had much to learn. All around me people spoke a language I didn't understand, the big colorful posters on the classroom walls were filled with words that meant nothing to me. I was incredibly overwhelmed, but I did not crumble under the pressure. I knew I could overcome this challenge if I persevered and focused hard enough. I was able to use my knowledge of Spanish as a common ground between my teachers and I, which helped me greatly. I took on the challenge of reading grade-level books, and subsequently, my understanding of this whole new language increased dramatically. It was not long before I proved myself capable of moving up to the first grade, where I originally belonged due to my age. I was now making many friends and efficiently interacting with others, while speaking fluent English. This was a monumental accomplishment for me, which has made me realize the importance of discovery and knowledge through learning an entirely new language. Overcoming such a significant obstacle through the simple act of learning has shown me how knowledge is the key to success. Thus, learning is the characteristic that appeals most to me overall, because without it I would not be where I am today.