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Posts by PeachTofu
Joined: Sep 11, 2011
Last Post: Sep 13, 2011
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From: United States

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PeachTofu   
Sep 12, 2011
Graduate / 'the stomach to handle being a nurse' - PTCAS Admissions Essay (A work in progress) [NEW]

Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I've written an essay and I would truly appreciate any help (Revisions, Criticism, Tips, etc.)!
I am not finished with the essay yet, but here is what I have so far.

Here is the essay prompt:
"What personal characteristics and motivating factors have led you to pursue the profession of physical
therapy?"


Ever since I was a little girl I always thought of what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, the career choice always kept changing for me and I could never just settle on one. Upon entering high school I realized that I had the desire to work in the medical field. As this desire grew, I started to volunteer on weekends in the medical records department of my county hospital. I admit that this volunteer job was dull at times but it helped me realize that I would rather interact with the patients instead of working behind the scenes. So from here I switched to volunteer in the step-down unit and observe the nurses and doctors. By this time I was a senior in high school and looking into a career in nursing. This interest eventually faded as I realized that I didn't have the stomach to handle being a nurse. I admire what they do for patients but it is simply not for me.

Now I was in a rut. College was approaching quickly and I had no idea of what degree I wanted to pursue. People had told me it doesn't really matter if I have a major or not the first two years since it was just general classes, yet I felt scared not knowing what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I felt like I needed some direction. Then that guidance came during my anatomy and physiology class. We were all talking about which college we were planning to attend, the majors we had chosen, and our future goals in life. Most of the students were planning to be dentists and the rest were undecided accept for one girl who said she wanted to be a physical therapist. [This girl was a friend of mine since 7th grade, we were on the volleyball team, and competed with each other in school.] I had never heard of physical therapy so I asked her about it and did some more research later that night. From this I discovered all different kinds of therapies that are out there. It was intriguing to me and I immediately changed my major from nursing to the pre-physical therapy program. Luckily the school I was already going to attend had this option. To learn more about physical therapy I volunteered again the summer after my 1st year of college in the physical therapy department. I had to make sure this was something I definitely wanted to do in the future.

While volunteering I was told that I was a quick learner. I am thankful that I possess this characteristic. It helps out tremendously when things get busy and I need to be quick on my feet. I am able to help out the physical therapist in a more efficient way. I always have thought of myself as a timid person but while helping the physical therapists they have told me I'm not afraid to observe and interact with the patients. I wouldn't say I'm a brave person but that I am someone who has the passion to learn and explore the work of a physical therapist. And on top of that I understand when they explain things to me because I know the anatomy terms. They were impressed that I knew the anatomy terms but it seemed strange to me for them to be impressed by this. I thought every volunteer would know these terms already since we are all pursuing a career in physical therapy.

For the time I've been a volunteer and observed the physical therapists I have learned a lot. I gained knowledge in the different instruments they used, certain injuries you would see while on the job, and how to care for patients. After that summer I really liked what I saw and believed that this was something I truly wanted to work towards. To be able to help patients regain strength, stability, and just to live a healthy lifestyle all by just using stretches, exercises, and being a teacher to the patients. A physical therapist is like an exercise buddy, encouraging the patient to keep going and do their best to become well. This is something I want to do. I want to be a physical therapist and know that I will work hard to become one.
PeachTofu   
Sep 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Monster underneath my bed....", an essay dilemma [3]

To me it's fits better with the 2nd prompt. But it's up to you if you want to cut out 200 words or keep it and do prompt 1.

So I read through your essay. I noticed you use a lot of commas and most of your sentences are quite long. It would be good to go through your essay and vary up the sentences by shortening the longer sentences or dividing them into separate sentences.

Here are some changes I think you could make:

I can still recall my initial response to the news; my heart dropped to my stomach, my palms grew sweaty, and every other concern on my mind was erased.

Apparently, the same occurred during my sleep, as nightmares began to haunt me; they all revolved around the idea of my brother's life, and consequently mine, being destroyed by a court order.

Up to this point, I had not confided bymy fears and distress to anyone. We had a long, emotional talk in the middle of the night where my brother better explained the situation better to me. He was very confident about the situation, and he trusted the judicial system to be fair. He was very calm, serene(these 2 words basically mean the same thing so I would either replace one with a different word or you can just take out one and leave it as: "He was very calm and rational...") , and rational about the situation;, and this was projected directly on to me. From the ordeal, I emerged a stronger, calmer, and more rational person. I also learned how to fight through adversity and ignore, even embrace, stress. While I had no control over the end result of my brother's case, I did have control over making him proud through my educational accomplishments;, and that is what I kept my focus on. In the end, after a laborious legal process, the situation was resolved. My brother is now a legal citizen of the United States.

Nevertheless, while my fears were resolved, I'm not completely detached from them. I still hold them close to me, and they allow me to relate to others in a similar situation.
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