Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by avalenzuela
Joined: Sep 15, 2011
Last Post: Sep 17, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
avalenzuela   
Sep 16, 2011
Undergraduate / "the effort and hard work that my parents" - Rutgers University Essay [4]

In the fall 2009, a senior walks inside her guidance counselor's office to hand in a signed form for the release of her high school transcript. As her guidance counselor, Mrs. Nolan, checks the form, she does not hesitate to ask the student, "Why New Jersey University (NJCU) and not your first choice, Rutgers New Brunswick?" It was then when the introverted student states, "I fear that I will not get accepted." Suddenly, as Mrs. Nolan gathers the student's folder, she glimpses once again at the student's transcript and stridently replies," I hope you are not selling yourself short."

Nonetheless, it has been two years since my conference with my former academic advisor and it feels like yesterday. Today, as I walk through the campus of NJCU, I find myself, contemplating about the remark that Mrs. Nolan made after finding out that I had given up on my dreams of becoming a Rutgers's student. Since then I have realized that at that time, my lack of confidence and pessimism towards my academic capabilities precluded me from achieving my dream.

Moreover, as I type this essay I cannot help to fathom about last semester, when for the first time, I finally overcame my fear and applied to Rutgers for the fall 2011 semester. Though it is as clear as water that I was not admitted, my motivation to reapply once again, has only assured me that Rutgers is where I belong. Indeed the fact that I was not admitted into Rutgers did not impede me from living life to the fullest as full time student and Emergency Medical Technician (EMT).

Before the Fall 2011 semester began I even decided to visit Rutgers and reunite with my high school friends. When we sat down to talk and have lunch at Busch's Dining Hall, a sense of disappoint arose within me because I realized that all this time I have sold myself short. But at the same time I was very elated for my friends after hearing all the positive remarks they said about the academic services offered by Rutgers. After a good lunch, we wandered through the campus and as my friends continued speaking about their upcoming classes I became deeply distracted by the grand diversity among the campus. Overall, it was more interesting to observe that despite the cultural differences, everybody interacted very well with one another. Later, as we walked through College Ave, my mind quickly drifted to the beautiful environment I was surrounded by. From the most simplistic things like the many trees which added such glorifying scenery, to the cleanness everywhere we walked to, I felt happy knowing that schools like Rutgers truly cared about a clean and well maintained environment. Hence, out of all the marvelous things that I witnessed that day, the one thing that assured me that Rutgers was my ideal school, were the smiles on the students and how polite the Resident Assistants were as they tirelessly answered the questions of every resident who requested their assistance.

As time progressed and our encounter came to an end, I officially realized that even though I was not a Rutgers student, for the moment, I felt just as happy as my high school friends after spending an interesting day in a diverse, clean, and friendly community. When the new semester began, it did not take much time for me to acknowledge that the main reason why I was not as happy as my friends is because all this time I have been searching for a school, like Rutgers, that would provide me with the superb education I need, prior to applying to medical school. Unfortunately, at my current school, the education offered is so limited that my aspirations of becoming a Pediatric Neurologist seem almost impossible.

Being the youngest daughter of a hardworking mother who was a college graduate in the Dominican Republic with a teaching degree and a father, a business owner who only made it to the first grade, has taught me the true meaning of succeeding in life throughout perseverance. Moreover, my father's lack of economic resources impeded him from earning a degree but it did not stop him from managing to build his own business. Yet, even though my parents managed to support us financially, they felt insecure about the education system offered where we lived. Therefore, my father selflessly sold the bakery he owned and my mother quit her position as a full time math and science elementary teacher, and noth decided to migrate to Paterson New Jersey in 1993.

Unfortunately, when my parents left to the United States, leaving my siblings and I with our nanny, they realized that this country was not as imagined by others. Not knowing the language and having to adapt to a different country, my parents had to go through many challenges in order to have the living that which they have today. During that time, my mother was not able to use the same teaching in the United States since she needed to be state certified. Therefore, she began working for factory jobs and eventually was hired by Rockline Industries, a factory well known in New Jersey, for its coffee filter production. Fortunately, during the same year, my father, was hired to work as a construction worker. In 1996, three years later after saving money and buying an apartment suitable for five people, my parents decided to return to the Dominican Republic and bring my sibling and I to New Jersey.

Growing up and witnessing at first glance all the effort and hard work that my parents went through for the well-being and stability of my sister and brother, has taught me to persistently work hard to accomplish my goals despite the hard ships. Also, throughout all the obstacles my family and I have overcome, I have learned that life is not for the weak minded and in order to break apart from those who are conformist, I will have to challenge myself; something that Rutgers is very well known for. Being the youngest in my family, siblings are both college graduates, has influenced me to become more eager to obtain a more challenging education. More than anything, if a challenging university like Rutgers accepts me, I will prove to myself and my family that I am able to achieve all the goals I set for myself.

{Conclusion is yet to be typed..Essay is not complete}
avalenzuela   
Sep 16, 2011
Undergraduate / "the effort and hard work that my parents" - Rutgers University Essay [4]

Thanks so much :)
I decided to change my first paragraph to :

As I sat down in Mrs. Nolan's office to hand in important documents requested by New Jersey City University (NJCU), she did not hesitate to ask, "Why New Jersey University (NJCU) and not your first choice, Rutgers New Brunswick?" It was then when I began thinking about the perfect answer and when I knew that I was unable to disguise the truth I softly replied, "I fear... that I will not get accepted." Then, as Mrs. Nolan gathered all my documents, she stridently responded, "I hope you are not selling yourself short."
avalenzuela   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / "Cosiness" - Why Yale [8]

cristtgn
Hello there!

I know how hard it is to write a short answer to a university as outstanding as Yale(especially if you love to write..write...write..and write!! like me!) Anyways, after reading your short answer I concluded that you should try "Rewording" this part..."I feel that being an international student at Yale I will not be thousands of kilometers far from home." It is a bit confusing.

Good luck :)
avalenzuela   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / Topic A for ApplyTexas - "Samuel Dugger" [2]

chriskyle711
He is a very important person to me, because he is one of my closest friends that -who have been with me through thick and thin, and most importantly, he motivated me to become a good student and fueled the fire that is to be my success.

Overall, I like the flow of this essay. It is natural and unique...:) A lil revise and edit should make it a solid topic.
Good luck :)
avalenzuela   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / "the effort and hard work that my parents" - Rutgers University Essay [4]

Hello there...!! so I just finished typing the essay for Rutgers University. The maximum is 3800 and I ran out of things to say. I will def. appreciate it if you took the time to read it and then posted your opinion...thanks:)

Persistently Dreaming

As I sat down in Mrs. Nolan's office to hand in important documents regarding New Jersey City University (NJCU), she did not hesitate to ask, "Why New Jersey University (NJCU) and not your first choice, Rutgers New Brunswick?" It was then when I began thinking about the perfect answer and when I knew that I was unable to disguise the truth I softly replied, "I fear... that I will not get accepted." Then, as Mrs. Nolan gathered all my documents, she stridently responded, "I hope you are not selling yourself short."

It has been two years since my conference with my former academic advisor and it feels like yesterday. Today, as I walk through the campus of NJCU, I find myself, contemplating about the remark that Mrs. Nolan made after finding out that at that time, I had given up on my dreams of becoming a Rutgers's student. Since then I have realized that my lack of confidence and pessimism towards my academic capabilities precluded me from achieving my dream.

Moreover, as I type this essay I cannot help to fathom about last semester, when for the first time, I finally overcame my fear and applied to Rutgers for the fall semester. Though it is as clear as water that I was not admitted, my motivation to reapply once again, has reassured me that Rutgers is where I belong. Indeed the fact that I was not admitted into Rutgers did not impede me from living life to the fullest as a full time student and an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT).

During the summer, I decided to visit Rutgers and reunite with my high school friends. When we sat down to talk and have lunch at Busch's Dining Hall, a sense of disappoint arose within me because I realized that all this time I have sold myself short. But at the same time I was very elated for my friends after hearing all the positive remarks they said about the academic services offered by Rutgers. Then, we wandered through the campus and as my friends continued speaking about their upcoming classes I became deeply distracted by the grand diversity among the campus. Overall, it was more interesting to observe that despite the cultural differences, everybody interacted very well with one another. Later, as we walked through College Ave, my mind quickly drifted to the beautiful environment I was surrounded by. From the most simplistic things like the many trees which added such glorifying scenery, to the cleanness everywhere we walked to, I felt happy knowing that schools like Rutgers truly cared about a clean and well maintained environment. Hence, out of all the marvelous things that I witnessed, the one thing that assured me that Rutgers was my ideal school, were the smiles on the students' faces and how polite the Resident Assistants were as they tirelessly answered the questions of every resident who requested their assistance.

As time progressed and our encounter came to an end, I officially realized that even though I was not a Rutgers student, in that moment, I felt just as happy as my high school friends after spending an interesting day in a diverse, clean, and friendly community. When the fall semester began, it did not take much time for me to acknowledge that all this time I have been searching for a school, like Rutgers, that would offer me the superb education needed, prior to applying to medical school. Unfortunately, at my current school, the education offered is so limited that my aspirations of becoming a Pediatric Neurologist seem almost impossible.

Being the youngest daughter of a hardworking mother who was a college graduate in the Dominican Republic with a teaching degree and a father, a business owner who only made it to the first grade, has taught me the true meaning of succeeding in life throughout perseverance. Moreover, my father's lack of economic resources impeded him from earning a degree but it did not stop him from managing to build his own business. Even though my parents were at one point financially stable, they felt insecure about the education system offered in the Dominican Republic. Therefore, my father selflessly decided to sell the bakery he owned and my mother quit her position as a full time math and science elementary teacher and as a both migrated to Paterson New Jersey in 1993.

Unfortunately, when my parents left to the United States, leaving my siblings and I with our nanny, they realized that this country was not as imagined by others. Not knowing the language and having to adapt to a different country, my parents had to go through many challenges, like discrimination, in order to have the life we have today. During that time, my mother was not able to use her teaching degree since she needed to be certified by the Board of Education in New Jersey. Therefore, she began working at Rockline Industries, a factory well known in New Jersey, for its coffee filter production. Fortunately, during the same year, my father, was hired to work at three jobs as a construction worker, janitor, and bakery assistant. In 1996, three years later after saving money and buying an apartment suitable for five people, my parents decided to return to the Dominican Republic and bring my siblings and I to New Jersey.

Growing up and witnessing at first glance all the effort and hard work that my parents went through for our well-being and stability, has taught me to persistently work hard to accomplish my goals despite the hard ships. Also, throughout all the obstacles my family and I have overcome, I have learned that life is not for the weak minded and in order to break apart from those who are conformist, I will have to challenge myself; something that Rutgers University is very well known for. Being the youngest in my family, whose siblings are both college graduates, has influenced me to obtain a more challenging education. Over the years, my father has always reminded me, "Anita, education is the same everywhere you go," and my response still has not changed as I nod my head and sarcastically say, "Yeah, right." Still until this day I believe that it is very important for an ambitious student, like me, to feel confident and proud of the school that she/he attends. More than anything, if a challenging university like Rutgers accepts me, I will prove to myself and my family that I am indeed, able to achieve all the goals I set for myself.

As an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT), many of the adult patients who I treat, often ask me common questions like, "Where do you go to school? What is your goal in life? How many hours do you work?" And as soon as I answer their questions, they begin listing all the experiences in life they regret and similarly end the conversation by saying, "Life is too short. Enjoy it while it last." Indeed this famous quote which seems to be the motto that many use to overcome obstacles in their lives, has also motivated me to astutely take advantage of the time I have been given and work hard to obtain the best education, so that my dreams of becoming a Pediatric Neurologist will come true.

Overall, unlike the patients who I care for, I do not want to grow old and be filled with regret. Instead, I want to be the friend, daughter, sister, cousin, and loved one, who people respect for persistently aiming to obtain what I desire like the highest quality of education; offered by Rutgers University. In conclusion, it is as if Martin Luther King thought of the outstanding education students receive at Rutgers University when he quoted, "Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education."
avalenzuela   
Sep 17, 2011
Letters / Letter of motivation for Bachelor of International Business [4]

Wow..you know many important info about this school. This is always a plus. I highly encourage you to think about a better transition word for conclusion; that is if you are really using " To sum up." Other than that it seems very organized and straigtforward. :)
avalenzuela   
Sep 17, 2011
Letters / Letter of motivation for Bachelor of International Business [4]

YOur father became a PhD? Maybe I'm wrong but wouldn't it be that your father, earned a PhD?? . MAYBE JUST MAYBE..lol..you can say something like...My father, a man who earned his PhD despite his difficult upbringing in an orphanage has helped me understand how knowledge can change one's life....ehh something like that. Let me remind you that this is only my opinion. Good luck :)
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳