Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by angelgirl786
Joined: Sep 24, 2011
Last Post: Feb 27, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
angelgirl786   
Sep 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Special Topics In Life Science' - Rutgers Transfer Essay [5]

Hey, guys. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. This my Rutgers Transfer essay, can you please read it and critique? Thanks a ton, :D

Question: Please use the space below to tell us how you believe a Rutgers education will help you achieve your personal enrichment or career goals.

Essay:
Why A Rutgers Education Is Important to Me

A Rutgers education will allow me to accomplish my personal and professional goals in life with an education that is recognized world wide and held in the highest esteem. The Rutgers community includes an outstanding faculty, amazing leadership and a modern outlook; which makes Rutgers the highest-ranked college in New Jersey. Lastly, Rutgers University has a very diverse and heterogeneous student body, which I can relate to because I come from a very diverse background.

As we grow older, our goals and dreams change. From childhood, I have always dreamed of making a better world for children. Children around the world and in the United States are hungry, homeless, and uneducated. My dream is to open a school, which requires no tuition, for children of all ages. Allan Bloom, an American philosopher, says that education is the movement from darkness to light. As we educate our children, they shut the bars of prisons and open doors of possibility. But, without an a proper education, I will not achieve this goal. While researching colleges, I naturally picked Rutgers University as my first choice. I have always heard about the great programs the school has provided, so I went with my brother, a Rutgers student, to visit. I instantly fell in love with the environment, people, and location. I am from New York, so I enjoy the rush of everyday life. At that time, I knew that Rutgers was the place for me.

In high school, for my Special Topics In Life Science class, we were asked do a competition called the Young Science Achiever's Program. My group wanted to do something that will help our community and provide an example to the undergraduates. We picked a project which measured reaction time in a car with electronics. We used our students in the experiment and after they realized how much their reaction time was affected, they began to think twice about using a cell phone in their cars. After we won second in this tri-state competition, we created a short video to show the school our findings. I really felt as if this was a small step in helping my community. With my experience in this and several others competitions, I have recognized the need for a proper education to achieve my goals. I know Rutgers University is the only college that will provide me with the tools, so I can add my little bit to this world.
angelgirl786   
Sep 26, 2011
Undergraduate / Stage for me - common app essay [4]

I LOVE your introduction. Besides the grammatical errors, I think you have a great essay on your hands. I really shows your passion for music. Keep up the great work!
angelgirl786   
Oct 4, 2011
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for Masters in Electrical Engineering DSP for US university [3]

Great essay! I think you overuse "I"; just my opinion. Also, this line needs "I feel that the graduate study at your university will be the most logical extensions of my objectives. I am confident that wholesome education that I receive at your university will stand me in good stead through out my career. " Also, I do not think you need the last part, it sounds kind of like begging. Sorry, if i have said anything to offend you, again it is just my opinion. Geart job once again and I wish you luck. :D
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳