Calmador
Sep 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Should English be the official language in Asia? [3]
Ditto what the above said, I think you using different sentence structures would help you the most. Try different introductary phrases, like in the second paragraph, you said "For one thing" maybe instead you can use "For starters" "First of all" even nothing at all just to see if it flows better. Also try saying sentences in different ways, more clear, more simple and easier to understand. It'll make it as such, more clear, more simple and easier to understand.
My best tip for what you wrote is, at the end of your paragraph... my English teacher taught me a trick... use the phrase "Clearly" instead of "In conclusion". The word "Clearly" is a much cleaner and powerful way to start your conclusion paragraph. I mean you caaaaaaaan use "In conclusion" but it's very generic. I mean unless your English teacher absolutely demands it from you, try not to use it. I know teachers teach like that and it's so you remember that the last paragraph is the conclusion paragraph. Ask your teacher if you can use another introductary phrase instead of "In conclusion". That's all the help I can think of for now, I'm not very talented in the essay writing department but sometimes God bless me. Take care, G-d bless and keep working on it =]
Ditto what the above said, I think you using different sentence structures would help you the most. Try different introductary phrases, like in the second paragraph, you said "For one thing" maybe instead you can use "For starters" "First of all" even nothing at all just to see if it flows better. Also try saying sentences in different ways, more clear, more simple and easier to understand. It'll make it as such, more clear, more simple and easier to understand.
My best tip for what you wrote is, at the end of your paragraph... my English teacher taught me a trick... use the phrase "Clearly" instead of "In conclusion". The word "Clearly" is a much cleaner and powerful way to start your conclusion paragraph. I mean you caaaaaaaan use "In conclusion" but it's very generic. I mean unless your English teacher absolutely demands it from you, try not to use it. I know teachers teach like that and it's so you remember that the last paragraph is the conclusion paragraph. Ask your teacher if you can use another introductary phrase instead of "In conclusion". That's all the help I can think of for now, I'm not very talented in the essay writing department but sometimes God bless me. Take care, G-d bless and keep working on it =]