Undergraduate / "lesson of responsibility and humility" - a person who has influenced you [4]

Rubbish! That was how Mr. Tay described my class's haphazard job repainting the school walls. As class monitor, I was responsible for this mess. However, I had no excuse and he knew it. The whole school watched as he mercilessly tore me apart with rhetorical questions to which I could only muster a pathetic "sorry". It was humiliating.

Barely a week as new principal, he had already stepped on my toes. To make matters worse, he assigned himself as my class's new additional mathematics teacher. I, along with the other "rebels", wasted no time showing my indignation. Cold stares and brusque replies became my modus operandi in his class. I even refused to attend the extra classes he conducted.

Nevertheless, things would change. In the midyear examinations, I ranked 5th overall in the class but i was appalled by my atrocious addmaths results. Maths was one of my stronger subjects so I had high hopes of scoring well for addmaths as well. To my horror, I was the worst student in the class scoring a meager 66%. I was convinced those digits were the work of the devil, the only devil I knew. I scanned the paper thoroughly many times but the marking was flawless.

While my parents endorsed my belief in self-help, they thought it was best I attended Mr. Tay's free revision classes after the midyear break. However, he wouldn't allow me into his class. He said: " You come into my class with the nerve to disrespect me and you dare call yourself a monitor? I'd rather teach 10 spastics than a student who is unwilling to learn". If only I had thicker skin, those words wouldn't feel like lacerations.

That night, I couldn't sleep. His words were eating me inside. I hated that he was right. My peers only elected me as monitor because I was nonchalant. It was a bitter pill to swallow but in that moment, I yearned to prove him wrong and gain his acceptance.

The inimical gestures were now replaced with respect and acknowledgement. I participated more in class and offered to carry his books. The "rebels" weren't please but I remained resolute. I can still remember his smirk, which screamed "I'm winning!" I hated that smirk.

The following month, I became one of the pioneers of the school's new Board of Monitors. Immediately, I knew what I had to do and the other monitors agreed. We began raising funds through bake sales in order to buy paint. With the help of my class, we not only fixed the patchy walls, we even added murals emphasizing his principles. We stood in front of those walls the next morning. "Now this is a proper apology!" he said. As he leaned forward to embrace me, he whispered to my ear, "Don't be late today".

Mr. Tay taught me a valuable lesson of responsibility and humility. For that, I will forever be in his debt.

Please review and correct anything wrong. A few of my friends think it is rather bland. I can't help but feel the same.500 words is pretty hard to articulate the minor anecdotes that happened..so i just abridged it. Writing isn't really a strong suit of mine either. Please be as harsh as harsh can be!

Undergraduate / 'money was a very sensitive topic to my parents' -how my world has shaped your dreams [2]

Life is best discovered, not told. That is one of the many life mottos my parents would reiterate whenever I asked for something. I often thought it was just another lazy excuse to turn me down. Looking back, I was probably wrong.

Growing up, my parents never pushed me towards doing medicine, law or any other profession. They believed it was something that would come inherently. Instead, they revolved my upbringing around independence. It started in the kitchen where I would learn to cook and bake by helping my mother prepare dinner and clean up afterwards. Soon after, I started helping out in my parent's sanctuary, the garden. From bananas to bougainvilleas, they would teach me to cultivate anything that the weather would allow. I helped my father in building picket fences where the morning glories intertwined, the kennel where my dog would stay and birdhouses where wild birds would find home. Handyman skills like carpentry plumbing were his forte and part of my vocational lessons.

Although we weren't poor, money was a very sensitive topic to my parents. It was a restrictive chain that inadvertently affected my adolescence. I can still remember back when I wanted to learn music badly. I immediately began working in order to buy myself a guitar. My naive soul would soon taste the bittersweet reality of the working world. I met unscrupulous employers and colleagues who would make scapegoats out of each other. Some would even spit into abusive customers' food in order to get retribution while others would misuse their authority to undermine me. Slowly, I felt the hardships of earning a living that my parents often underlined.

While they are thrifty people, they are definitely not stingy. Every week, my parents insist on volunteering at the local soup kitchen and parish welfare homes. Over there, I would help the orphans with their homework. Teaching is something that I can relate with and has become a passion that I enjoy. More importantly, it helps me open my eyes to new horizons especially when I connect with them on a deeper note. I start appreciating the lessons of being independent that my parents had instilled upon me when I teach the orphans how to read, write sew or even play soccer. Reflecting back, I feel so immature fretting over such minor things when these orphans did not even have parents as beacons to guide them.

While the future is unpredictable, I am certain that I want to enrich my life with colorful experiences beyond my comfort zone. I do not want to be shallow and ignorant restricted by physical or mental barriers. Along the way, I want to connect, work and even share life anecdotes with different people from different cultures and places. Teaching will be my outlet where I siphon knowledge and experience to inspire young lives. However, these goals would not be possible without a good education. How can one educate if he himself is uneducated

I am thankful that my parents never fought for my battles because ultimately I want to achieve these goals on my own merit. My mother says independence is a step towards maturity that will guide me when they are gone. The very thought of that frightens me but at the same time drives me to become self-reliant and hungry for new adventures.

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- This is my first draft. My main concern is more on whether the content is suitable and does it address the prompt? ( Describe the world you come from - and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations )

I read a comment on the internet from a former admissions officer saying : While it is important for you to define your environment, you should NOT use your personal statement to describe your family, school or community.

I recommend approaching the first prompt by figuring out what your environment is, what your dreams/aspirations are, and what you have done in the context of your environment to achieve those dreams/aspirations.

Your environment can have physical boundaries (for example, your bedroom, the church prayer room, or the community center) or mental boundaries (for example, your upbringing or cultural tradition). Another way to think about your environment is by imagining yourself as a fish; are you in a fishbowl, a stream, a pond, or an ocean?

Your dreams and aspirations can be broad or specific; perhaps you aspire to help people (broad) or maybe your dream is to be a TB specialist serving with Doctor Without Borders in Somalia (specific). Either way, you should discuss how your achievements (academic and/or extracurricular, within the context of your environment) have helped you move toward achieving that dream/aspiration. You also want to consider talking about how you plan to continue these achievements in college.

Whatever you choose to discuss in this prompt, remember the main focus should be on YOU; what you have accomplished, what your goals are for the future, and why you will succeed (in life and/or in college).

Have i done that? I don't know, can someone help me out? BTW the major i plan to take is economics.