Posts by Vincenzo

Vincenzo

Oct 1, 2011

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing : Why do you think people visit museums? [5]

"museum there functions as the goal of his trip." => maybe not only of his, but of all people who are attracted by museums.

"the cultural difference and the origin." => maybe it's a good idea to be more specific? the origin of what? I'm always afraid to write such statements as the raters might think that you lack writing skills to express what you think? Though I am not a native speaker.

It seems a nice TOEFL essay. Wish you to get full credit)

Vincenzo

Oct 1, 2011

Writing Feedback / 'The Arctic deer populations are declining' - GRE analytical argument [2]

"The decrease in the vegetation may be due to any disease spreading the plants or may be due to human activities like cleaning a area for own use"=> If the sea ice melts, there should be more vegetation on the islands. Further, there are no people on the islands on the arctic sea, only some scattered research stations (very small) and military bases (a couple of bases spread on billions of squared miles).

from the answer:
"Because I imagine that (for example) for trees to carry on a disease, certain environment factors must change." => there are no trees and not even big bushes.

A nice essay!
Wish you to get full credit!

Vincenzo

Oct 1, 2011

Writing Feedback / GRE: Real Estate firms in a town [NEW]

Town Real Estate Agencies

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The argument states that there is causal relationship between the number of skateboarders and the number of shoppers in Central Plaza. Further, it is alleged that the number of skateboarders is positively related to the amount of litter and vandalism in the area. The passage assumes a causal relationship between the number of skateboarders and the adverse effects on trade and attractiveness of the area. It might indeed be the case that an increasing number of skaters lead to increased amounts of litter, acts of vandalism and noise, decreasing the attractiveness of the Central Plaza as an area for entertainment and shopping. However, the conclusion cannot be drawn automatically from the presented facts. The argument overlooks other factors that could contribute to the decrease in popularity of the Central Plaza as a shopping area.

First, in order to determine the true cause of the decline in trade it is necessary to study whether store owners had increased prices. It might be the case that the Central Plaza became an expensive shopping place with respect to other alternatives. The prohibition of skating in the area might not lead to an increase in the amount of store customers if the main reason is the expensiveness of the shops.

Further, it is necessary to analyze the competitive environment in the city. Central Plaza might decrease in popularity as there is another more convenient shopping area built in the city. Shoppers might be attracted by another shopping and entertainment area built recently in the city. As a result, the adoption of the recommendation to prohibit skating again won't deliver the desired result.

Moreover, even if the causal relationship between the number of skateboarders and decreasing attractiveness of the Central Plaza is relevant for shoppers, it is by no means certain that prohibiting skating will lead to the return of customers. Negative attitudes towards the area might persist and customers might be reluctant to return. Customers' perceptions of the area and factors affecting shopping could have been studied through a survey of satisfaction.

In conclusion, the argument does not present enough evidence in support of the claim that the number of shoppers is inversely related to the number of skateboarders in the Central Plaza. Furthermore, even if the causal relationship is correct, it is not necessary that shoppers will return to the Plaza if the skating is prohibited. The argument should be supported with further studies.