Undergraduate / "Obsessed family" - The world you come from, UC [2]

I attended a webinar for UC personal prompts and the admissions officer was telling us that they really don't like metaphors; so although this sounds disappointing, I would advise you to rewrite this essay.

Undergraduate / Learning is not about the "A" - Stanford Supplement Essays [5]

I think that you need to show development- maybe examples of how you've changed after. You're leaving the reader hanging. Other than that, it's a pretty good essay in my opinion.