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Posts by kellylui
Joined: Oct 30, 2011
Last Post: Oct 30, 2011
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kellylui   
Oct 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'tales of the Chinese Cultural Revolution - Georgetown U Essay about yourself [2]

Hi everyone, I'm applying to Georgetown early action, and this is my response to the 1st prompt. I'm a bit worried that it would be a bit off-focus... Please comment SOON coz my deadline is LOOMING!! Thanks SOOO much! :)

(A) Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.

I grew up listening to tales of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. Strange stories of starvation, cruelty and persecution were imprinted in my mind long before I learnt to comprehend them, to grasp the immense reality of such incidents, and to realize what they meant to my parents, my family, and ultimately, me.

My father's family was labelled as 'Landlords' during the Cultural Revolution. I remember watching wide-eyed and with unease, at the tears that rolled down my Grandma's wrinkled cheeks, as she recalled how Grandpa and his father had to walk down the streets under scorching heat, carrying a heavy plaque that said 'Landlord'; how my Great-grandfather was finally executed on an unjust trial; and most of all, the unfair treatments, discrimination and psychological trauma they received during more than ten years of humiliation.

As I grew older and read extensive literature on the topic, those strange childhood tales solidified and became concrete historical events. The realization of having such personal ties with history instilled in me a sense of continuity; of sharing the responsibility of remembering the past, living the present, and making the future; it initiated my devotion in learning about the world around me, and was the starting point of my interests in politics and global issues. Moreover, the more real those incidents appeared to me, the more I came to understand my parents, and learnt to appreciate the way they educated me.

I used to think my parents to be extremely hard to please. When I was younger, I used to fly home to tell my mother about the high grades and top ranks I got from school, and she would always answer with a slight smiling nod, at most a pat on the head, but never a word of praise. Yet, whenever I made the slightest mistake--such as telling unimportant lies--my mother would take out the bamboo stick and whack! There comes a red mark on my thigh. I used to envy my classmates, for their parents made demands that were simple--good grades, good conduct, end of story. But gradually I began to understand.

My parents cared about my moral and personal development more than anything else, because they themselves survived the turmoils and established themselves solely depending on their virtues and determination. That is why, in spite of being secretly proud of my academic achievements, they would rather make me modest, and therefore yearn perpetually for further improvements; and instead of allowing the trivial lies slip, they would punish me for showing any sign of a lack of virtue.

Today, I have established myself as a student appreciated by teachers and peers alike. I see it as a result of my self-discipline; my family inculcated in me a strong sense of moral obligation, and through constant self reflection, I strive always to do only what I deem as righteous. I am determined and self-reliant, for my family's story taught me nothing is impossible with a strong will--I overcame the language barrier I faced when I first entered my English-medium secondary school through painstaking hard work, and English ultimately became one of my favorite subjects. I am also a self-motivated learner, for I believe in the intrinsic value of learning--to gain knowledge and wisdom, and achieve self-fulfillment. I can truly claim to be a confident individual, not because I am sure of myself, but because I trust that while I am not perfect, my keen spirit of self-reflection would lead me to better myself; when in times of adversity, my determination would guide me through.

Looking back, I am extremely grateful for the family education I received that made me the person I am today--a person whom I am glad to be.
kellylui   
Oct 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Short Answer: Department which appeals most to you- biological/biomedical engineering [3]

I think this is quite nice, but I think you may consider talking more about the topics that you are interested in exploring in college and give some reasons... Also perhaps you can shorten some of your expressions and the opening lines, given that a 100-word essay is really really short, and I think you could cram in more 'substance' in there... Just my personal opinion, hope it's helpful! :)
kellylui   
Oct 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a new journey with bare feet' - U of m supplement [3]

I think this is a genuine essay. I especially liked the first few paragraphs; but I think starting from this sentence:
However, in the midst of the foreign society, the only people I could rely on were my family because they had significant roles on building my self-confidence and quality as a leader.

--the focus seems to waver off a bit, and I cannot really get a clear grasp on what you are trying to say... I think if you can clarify the last few sentences and make your point clearly, this can be a well-written essay. Good luck!
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