Undergraduate / 'Preparation for diploma and the real world' - UVA personal essay [14]

This is excellent. I absolutely love your ice cream and UVA analogy.

However, I would cross out "What makes this sundae even more special is that my father has worked multiple jobs over these past 18 years to make sure that some day his little girl could once again enjoy every part of that amazing sundae." Because, it doesn't flow well with the rest of the essay, especially when you read it out loud.

Otherwise, great essay!

Undergraduate / My Cornell Application Essay-College of Arts and Sciences :-) [6]

From my personal experience with Cornell, I can tell you that being very precise with your examples is the best way to go with your essay. You are definitely on the right track with your example and I really like how you used an example that shows how you turned a negative situation positive, and learned from it. However, like Jainee1406 said, the opening and ending sentences need to be stronger and really draw the reader in because anyone can start their essay with "How things work and why things happen has always been an interest of mine". Make it personal and really you, sort of like a sentence that (hypothetically) no one can have. Also, in your last paragraph, really show Cornell how the College of Arts and Science is the right "fit" for you. Fit is very important to Cornell, so be as specific as you can. (Basically, talk about their courses, professors, student body, etc. Convince them that you researched everything about their program)