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Posts by Patrioticsoldr
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Last Post: Nov 12, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America

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Patrioticsoldr   
Nov 12, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my mother's father from Cuba' - Someone who has impacted your life [4]

Hi, I'm looking for constructive criticism, help with revising and editing, and other helpful suggestions for my essay.

For many, when asked about those who played an important role in their life, parents are often mentioned. After all, they are gave us the gift of life, taught us to walk and talk, offered advice and guidance and served as role models for us to look up to. While this all holds very true for me, I have to acknowledge someone else who has greatly impacted my life and the way I have planned it, my grandfather.

My grandfather, more specifically my mother's father, was born and raised in Cuba before the Revolution. Previously an electrician for an American company, the new Communist government of Cuba under Castro changed things for the worst. In the early 60's, a few years after Castro assumed power, my grandfather began to protest against the government. Unlike in the U.S., protesting against the government in Cuba is viewed as treason and sedition, punishable by death. Rather than execute him, however, the Cuban Ministry of Intelligence tortured and interrogated him for the next four years, asking for the names of other anti-government protesters. He was released after four years, believed to be a dying man because of malnourishment and gangrene, which had cost him part of his left foot. While he never fully recovered, he spent the next 20 years trying to stay alive and escape Cuba. Finally, in 1990, he was granted a political refugee visa to the United States and brought my mother and father with him. I was born 4 years later, the first American-born Cuban in my family. It wasn't long before the majority of my extended family made it to the United States as well.

My grandfather's courage and sacrifice has inspired my throughout my life, now more than ever, and has helped influence my decision to go into the military. I can only hope that one day I will be given the opportunity to express the same courage and selfless sacrifice he did many years ago.
Patrioticsoldr   
Nov 12, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Beethoven's piano sonatas' - University of Chicago Supplement [5]

You've got a very good essay that sticks to the topic. Plenty of examples and description, too. If I had to make a recommendation, it would just be to add more to it (maybe add a paragraph about your favorite authors, if you're the reading type). If you keep writing, your third paragraph should turn out great like the other two.

By the way, while reading, I couldn't help but think about a friend of mine. Very creative individual!
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