Undergraduate / 'to be a part of this exhilarating project' - Short answer transfer essay [7]

Your descriptions are very strong, very vivid. Unfortunately, though I understand what you are conveying, it's a bit blurry. I get the main idea, and I like the way you are painting the image, but maybe laying down the foundation of what you are involved with exactly (describe your role in Habitat for Humanity in the beginning?) will help. Good luck! I'm sure if you'll do fine. The vision is there, but it's lacking a strong foundation, in a sense.