drawar
Nov 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I love all of my family members' - Essay about personal importance [2]
Greetings.
I really need your help to correct all mistakes and shorten the essay to less than 300 words. All feedback is highly appreciated. Thanks.
Since I was a little boy, I have realized how lucky I am to live in such a happy family. I love all of my family members, especially my mother, who strongly influences my life.
My mother is a wonderful wife and mother. Because of work, my father is often far from homw, so my mother has to do all household chores and take care of me on her own. She has taught me how to speak, to eat and to behav in a sensible way. Whenever I did something wrong, she just gently told me not to relapse into. When I was eleven, my family moved to a new lovely house in a crowded neighborhood. Only after a few days, I had made some new friends and they enticed me into the Internet. They showed me a lot of interesting online games and I easily became addicted to them. I played them too much everyday. I even cheated my mother to play games. My study at school became worse and worse as a result. At that time, I was about to join in the National Contest for Excellent Students from Primary School. As one of the best students of my province, everyone made sure that I would have passed it. But playing games had affected my test, and I was the only student to fail in my provincial team. It came as a shock to my teachers and my parents. My mother soon found out the reason. Then, she banned me from going out with friends, walking to school alone. It was also the very first time she hit me. I was so angry with her that I spoke cruel words to her and stormed into my room. I refused to follow what my mother had asked me to do. That night, I couldn't sleep, I walked outside her room and heard her crying and talking to herself: "Van, you are the only hope of me, why did you let me downm by cheating me and letting yourself distracted from studying?". And she kept crying. I gently return to my room and spent all night thinking about what I had done. I had disappointed the woman who had loved and sacrificed everything for me. Why did I do that? I kept blaming myself until falling into sleep. Next morning, I came to apologize her and stopped playing games, focused on studying and promised not to make such mistakes.
That was the most memorable tale in my childhood. Thanks to that, I always remind myself of trying more and more so that my mother can be proud of me.
Greetings.
I really need your help to correct all mistakes and shorten the essay to less than 300 words. All feedback is highly appreciated. Thanks.
Since I was a little boy, I have realized how lucky I am to live in such a happy family. I love all of my family members, especially my mother, who strongly influences my life.
My mother is a wonderful wife and mother. Because of work, my father is often far from homw, so my mother has to do all household chores and take care of me on her own. She has taught me how to speak, to eat and to behav in a sensible way. Whenever I did something wrong, she just gently told me not to relapse into. When I was eleven, my family moved to a new lovely house in a crowded neighborhood. Only after a few days, I had made some new friends and they enticed me into the Internet. They showed me a lot of interesting online games and I easily became addicted to them. I played them too much everyday. I even cheated my mother to play games. My study at school became worse and worse as a result. At that time, I was about to join in the National Contest for Excellent Students from Primary School. As one of the best students of my province, everyone made sure that I would have passed it. But playing games had affected my test, and I was the only student to fail in my provincial team. It came as a shock to my teachers and my parents. My mother soon found out the reason. Then, she banned me from going out with friends, walking to school alone. It was also the very first time she hit me. I was so angry with her that I spoke cruel words to her and stormed into my room. I refused to follow what my mother had asked me to do. That night, I couldn't sleep, I walked outside her room and heard her crying and talking to herself: "Van, you are the only hope of me, why did you let me downm by cheating me and letting yourself distracted from studying?". And she kept crying. I gently return to my room and spent all night thinking about what I had done. I had disappointed the woman who had loved and sacrificed everything for me. Why did I do that? I kept blaming myself until falling into sleep. Next morning, I came to apologize her and stopped playing games, focused on studying and promised not to make such mistakes.
That was the most memorable tale in my childhood. Thanks to that, I always remind myself of trying more and more so that my mother can be proud of me.