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Posts by s1staskus
Joined: Nov 16, 2011
Last Post: Nov 17, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: USA

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s1staskus   
Nov 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'with my driver's license in hand' - Common App Prompt A [6]

Hi! I just finished my common app essay prompt A and I was hoping to get some feedback. Thanks :)

Common App Prompt A: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have face and its impact on you.
There I was sitting in the middle of a parking lot, crying my eyes out. At the time I was not really sure why. A tidal wave of nervousness, anxiousness, humiliation, and failure overcame me and took me down with it. I was trying my hardest to muster up the strength to make not my first, not my second, but my third attempt at my driving test as I sat in the California Department of Motor Vehicles parking lot. At the time, it seemed as though my world was coming to an end. However, this experience was extremely beneficial in teaching me to persevere no matter how impossible a task may seem and to stop worrying about the minor failures in life.

I had already failed my driving test twice, each fail equally as embarrassing. During my first attempt, as I sat in the car, all that was going through my mind was that I constantly practiced, so my driving test should be a "piece of cake." Right? Wrong.

Looking back now, the incident seems miniscule, but at the time, it was beyond embarrassing. Almost every one of my friends had their license. The worst part about that day was the fact that my best friend and I had scheduled our appointments for the same day. She passed, I did not.

It seemed so unfair to me that all of my friends appeared to pass with ease, while I was stuck failing over and over again. To me, driving meant so much more than just the mechanical act; it meant freedom and in a way, the gateway to blossoming into an adult.

I felt downtrodden and discouraged. I did not know if I could or even wanted to make a third attempt. But with encouragement from my friends and family, I mustered up the strength to try again.

My dad talked me through my pity party in the parking lot and convinced me to just try one last time. As I pulled up, a middle-aged Indian man walked toward my car. He was clearly my driving instructor.

He noticed that I was upset and tried to calm me down with some words of wisdom: "Someone up there" as he pointed skyward "did not want you to pass for some reason and it's usually a good one." The sincerity in his voice and the words he said calmed me down and this turned out to be the final push of encouragement I needed to make my final attempt.

I made it through the entire driving test this time without any dramatic stops. The two words "you passed," rung like bells on Christmas day. Without thinking, and much to his dismay, I embraced him and thanked him numerous times. It seemed like the happiest moment of my life.

The embarrassment was huge; the reward from my perseverance, even greater. This task, to me, at the time, seemed impossible. But, because of the love and support of my family and friends, I tried again and again until I achieved that final goal of my driver's license.

Every time, it seems as though a task is impossible, I look back to this very moment and remember that even if I do fail a first or second time, that eventually with enough perseverance, I will achieve my goals.

Being a dancer, there are many times where I feel as though I have failed. Times where I have not been cast as the role I wanted, times where I have messed up on stage in front of large crowds, and times where I just feel like giving up. However, this experience has taught me that although something may seem impossible at the moment, I must push through the tough times to get to the good times. Every night that I return home from dance and feel as though I have failed myself, I stretch for an extra hour or practice my routine just that much longer that night and in the end it truly does pay off. I return to dance the next day feeling more prepared and confident in myself as a dancer.

Every time I get over emotional about that one part I did not get or the one step I did incorrectly, I reminisce back to this moment and remember how much hard work it took to finally reach the goal of passing my driving test. Then I remember how badly I want my goals and dreams as a dancer to come to life. That small push is all I need to carry me through the rest of the class or rehearsal, remembering that hard work and perseverance truly does pay off.

Both times I failed seemed like the most embarrassing events of my entire life. But through the humor and support of my family and friends, I was able to overlook these minor failures and end up laughing about them in the end.

In the long run, however, it did not affect me negatively that I waited a mere month longer to receive my license. I wasn't really prepared and no where near responsible enough to receive a driver's license. This experience taught me that the things that seem most important now, only add up to a microscopic dot in the story of your life. In short, to not "sweat the small stuff," because you never know what the future holds.

No one ever knows what the future holds for them and everything always happens for a reason. I truly believe that my failing this test twice was meant to teach me a life lesson. In the real world, I will not always get my way, but I have to accept that, move on, and keep trying. Because of this I am able to move on and pursue my dreams along my highway of life with my driver's license in hand.
s1staskus   
Nov 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Super Snozz' - Common Application (Topic of my own) [3]

First off thanks for reading my essay earlier and thanks for your input. Since you helped me with mine I am more than willing to help you with yours. I totally agree that I should take out the dance part so thank you for helping me realize that because I am definitely WAY over the word limit. And yep! We are pretty much twins! hahah!

Okay, so onto the essay. This is a really solid essay! It flows well and you have a good writing style. But here are some constructive critiques:

Personally, I would start the essay with "My epiphany suddenly hit me as I was trying on clothes at my local Target. The mirror in this dressing room happened to give me a view of both the front of my body, and the sides of it, something I had never seen before. For the first time in my life, I got a real view of my profile," then move into "I couldn't believe..." I feel like those few sentences capture the essence of the essay more. Plus, I personally think it is more intriguing and will catch the readers attention from the start. When they read the first few words they will continue to read because they will want to know what this epiphany is so I would just suggest switching those chunks around.

I wouldn't say "I was devastated" because this revelation seemed to have been building up inside of you for quite some time. I may be totally wrong, but from a readers standpoint, "devastated" does not seem like the right word to describe your state of mind during the event. I can't really think of another word to describe it but if you can't either, I would just advise cutting the sentence out all together.

I definitely love the part about you rushing home and spending hours on the internet trying to find a "cure." KEEP THAT. I personally think its perfect the way it is. I feel the same way about the hypocritical part.

"My flaw forced me to look at people's personalities instead of their outer imperfections, including my own."
THis is a little awkward so I would change this to something like "My flaw forced me to look past not only my own but other people's imperfections and instead focus on the personality of the individual."

Lastly, I don't know how much your word count is but if you have a few extra words to spear I would add a short(1-2 sentences) example of how your nose is a blessing more than a curse.

AND I LOVE THE ENDING. It is a great way to tie it together and throw in some comical relief at the same time.
Well done! Overall, a great and intriguing essay! :)
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