kLPantera
Nov 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'My parents are Chinese' - English 101 - Lesson Essay [3]
I know the title is not very descriptive, so here is the essay prompt:
1. What lesson/message was this person trying to teach you?
2. What tools did this person use to send the message? Think about how he/she used ethos, logos, and pathos in guiding you.
3. What was the purpose behind this lesson? Why did you need to learn it? Why did this person need to teach it to you?
Right place & time:
4. What made the context (time, place, mode of communication) significant?
5. Who were you as the audience at that time, and how/why were you ready to receive the message from this influential person?
I met with a faculty reader at my university's writing center. She corrected some grammatical errors and redundancies. However, when I asked for a grade approximation, she said she would give me a C+ because it's to insipid. I'm wondering how to make an essay about learning a lesson interesting.
Here is my essay:
My parents are Chinese and much like the stereotype about Asian parents. They were fairly strict when raising me, especially my mother. Yes, my mother is similar to the tiger mom, but not to the extent that is publicized. When I was in kindergarten, I was expected to memorize the entire multiplication table up to the tens. As I became older, my responsibilities and workload increased. With the added there also came expectations. High grades were and still are the primary focus of my academic career. Soon my parents had the incentive to start me on violin lessons when I was six. Like any traditional Chinese family, I was expected to excel academically and musically. When I would receive an unsatisfactory result, it was made sure that I understood why it was unacceptable.
My mother communicated her message to me via many ways. Sometimes the message would be conveyed through spankings. Other times the lesson would be proclaimed through lectures and guidance. I always knew that my mother was right, because she had progressed very far through society. And that she had experienced more than what most others ever had gone through. I always have, and still do respect my mother. Her trustworthiness and credibility is beyond perfection. She would use examples of her success in school, both academically and socially to motivate me. Her examples would inspire me to try harder and improve myself. If her life could be depicted as a ladder, she would have gone from the bottom to the very top.
However we are not immune to mistakes, and in fourth grade I made my mistake. I had a difficult time remembering all the facts regarding the Civil War. There was a lot of content for a fourth grader to learn and my attention span was not up to the job. I gave up because I thought that the test would not be difficult... or so I thought. The day of the test came and I took the test and hoped that my grade would at least a low A. A week later, the teacher returned our tests along with our grades. Once I saw my test score, I was stunned. I had received my very first F on a test. It was not a moment I had ever expected, nor was I prepared to handle. I did what most fourth graders probably did; I hid the test and hoped that my parents would never find out about the grade. However we were all once children, and we all know that parents can find out about your secrets. My mother discovered my grade, and all chaos ensued. I was spanked and lectured for what seemed like an eternity.
From that experience I learned a lesson that is valuable for everyone in many aspects. She told me when she was in high school; she was struggling with a certain chemistry class. She also had thought of stopping and giving up. However, she decided against it and persevered. My mother's persistence and perseverance pulled her to the top of the class. That was what my mother was trying to teach me.
The important lesson that I learned is perseverance and persistence. My mother taught me this lesson so that not only could I better myself. But also so that I would never give up on my goal(s) or myself, and to always persevere and be persistent. Because that is how I will be able to become successful, to never give up by always pushing forward. My mother taught me this lesson because she cares about me. No matter how strict it may sound, my mother cares about me and that is why she taught me the lesson.
Something that made this lesson significant is that it was during a time when I had decided to give up. She taught me to never give up and to always put forth your strongest efforts. That my efforts will lead me to success, no matter how difficult the path is. Not only that, but she also taught me this lesson in the way a mother bear would teach her cubs. My mother taught me this lesson in a way that contained guidance, but was also strict to make her point. In this period of my life, I was the young little boy who was learning a life lesson. This was a lesson that I learned at an appropriate time. It was during the time period when bad influences would begin to enter my life and my mother set me on the correct path with a simple lesson.
Thanks
I know the title is not very descriptive, so here is the essay prompt:
1. What lesson/message was this person trying to teach you?
2. What tools did this person use to send the message? Think about how he/she used ethos, logos, and pathos in guiding you.
3. What was the purpose behind this lesson? Why did you need to learn it? Why did this person need to teach it to you?
Right place & time:
4. What made the context (time, place, mode of communication) significant?
5. Who were you as the audience at that time, and how/why were you ready to receive the message from this influential person?
I met with a faculty reader at my university's writing center. She corrected some grammatical errors and redundancies. However, when I asked for a grade approximation, she said she would give me a C+ because it's to insipid. I'm wondering how to make an essay about learning a lesson interesting.
Here is my essay:
My parents are Chinese and much like the stereotype about Asian parents. They were fairly strict when raising me, especially my mother. Yes, my mother is similar to the tiger mom, but not to the extent that is publicized. When I was in kindergarten, I was expected to memorize the entire multiplication table up to the tens. As I became older, my responsibilities and workload increased. With the added there also came expectations. High grades were and still are the primary focus of my academic career. Soon my parents had the incentive to start me on violin lessons when I was six. Like any traditional Chinese family, I was expected to excel academically and musically. When I would receive an unsatisfactory result, it was made sure that I understood why it was unacceptable.
My mother communicated her message to me via many ways. Sometimes the message would be conveyed through spankings. Other times the lesson would be proclaimed through lectures and guidance. I always knew that my mother was right, because she had progressed very far through society. And that she had experienced more than what most others ever had gone through. I always have, and still do respect my mother. Her trustworthiness and credibility is beyond perfection. She would use examples of her success in school, both academically and socially to motivate me. Her examples would inspire me to try harder and improve myself. If her life could be depicted as a ladder, she would have gone from the bottom to the very top.
However we are not immune to mistakes, and in fourth grade I made my mistake. I had a difficult time remembering all the facts regarding the Civil War. There was a lot of content for a fourth grader to learn and my attention span was not up to the job. I gave up because I thought that the test would not be difficult... or so I thought. The day of the test came and I took the test and hoped that my grade would at least a low A. A week later, the teacher returned our tests along with our grades. Once I saw my test score, I was stunned. I had received my very first F on a test. It was not a moment I had ever expected, nor was I prepared to handle. I did what most fourth graders probably did; I hid the test and hoped that my parents would never find out about the grade. However we were all once children, and we all know that parents can find out about your secrets. My mother discovered my grade, and all chaos ensued. I was spanked and lectured for what seemed like an eternity.
From that experience I learned a lesson that is valuable for everyone in many aspects. She told me when she was in high school; she was struggling with a certain chemistry class. She also had thought of stopping and giving up. However, she decided against it and persevered. My mother's persistence and perseverance pulled her to the top of the class. That was what my mother was trying to teach me.
The important lesson that I learned is perseverance and persistence. My mother taught me this lesson so that not only could I better myself. But also so that I would never give up on my goal(s) or myself, and to always persevere and be persistent. Because that is how I will be able to become successful, to never give up by always pushing forward. My mother taught me this lesson because she cares about me. No matter how strict it may sound, my mother cares about me and that is why she taught me the lesson.
Something that made this lesson significant is that it was during a time when I had decided to give up. She taught me to never give up and to always put forth your strongest efforts. That my efforts will lead me to success, no matter how difficult the path is. Not only that, but she also taught me this lesson in the way a mother bear would teach her cubs. My mother taught me this lesson in a way that contained guidance, but was also strict to make her point. In this period of my life, I was the young little boy who was learning a life lesson. This was a lesson that I learned at an appropriate time. It was during the time period when bad influences would begin to enter my life and my mother set me on the correct path with a simple lesson.
Thanks
