Undergraduate / International Youth Leadership Forum travel - UC Essay prompt #2 [3]

Can you please read my essay and tell me if I answered the prompt correctly? The prompt is:
"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?"

Essay:

This last summer I traveled to China with the International Youth Leadership Forum and had the experience of a lifetime. I took advantage of this opportunity to broaden my knowledge of world affairs, and in return discovered a whole new world I had been blind to before. My field of study during the forum was international relations. I was able to witness firsthand the difficulty children and youths went through just to get an education. It was then that I realized how lucky a person I was. While those people had to sacrifice nearly everything to get somewhere in life, I am literally handed the foundation to success for free. I also saw how hard the people worked- doing anything and everything they could to make enough money to support themselves, yet they still manage to keep going. It made me appreciate all the 'normal' things in life that I take for granted.

Participating in this program opened my eyes to the reality of many people in the world, as well as to a new area of curiosity. Being exposed to their way of life opened a new door into my future. Every time I saw one of them trying to do something with their life, I wanted there to be something I could do to help them fulfill their dream. I wanted to give them advice, money, anything to aid their climb to triumph. I wanted them to know what it felt like to reach the top of the staircase, and be able to look back down and be proud of everything they had accomplished. Although I couldn't do much, the one thing I could do is make conversation. I would talk to them about what they do and learn in school, and compare it to what I do and learn in school. They told me that they go to school six days a week and have at least five or more hours of homework a day. This made me respect and admire them even more. I felt privileged to talk to someone who continued to take the road to achievement even though that road was up hill and rocky. Back at my school I usually help my friends with homework and give them advice and assurance, and talking to these Chinese students made me feel as if I was back at school advising my friends. It occurred to me that, just like my friends back home, maybe all these people need is a little boost of confidence that they can make it.

I am extremely grateful for being offered this experience. I apprehended an exceedingly amount of knowledge about other cultures and lifestyles from this trip. It also expanded my sense of support and guidance into unknown realms, and, I believe, thoroughly accomplished me as a person. I now plan to take what I have learned and use it to help other people, whether they are in my hometown or thousands of miles across the world.

thank you!

Undergraduate / 'recognized by many coaches' - the world you come from. UC prompt #1 [NEW]

hello, I was wondering if you could help me with fixing up my introduction paragraph, as well as editing me essay? Thank you.

the prompt is: Describe the world you come from ď for example, your family, community or school ď and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Essay:

Racing home as soon as I stepped off the bus. This was my daily routine throughout grade school. I would rush home to finish my homework and chores, so that I was raring to go once my dad got home from work. Since I can remember I have always been involved with physical activity- more specifically, running.

All my life my world has revolved around running. It started out as just something I did because my dad always did it, but soon turned into a passion.

Because I grew up in small town my primary school didn't offer an actual track team, but we did have annual track meets with the other schools in the area. My dad would help me train nearly everyday so I would be able to go to that meet. Being a typical kid, I wasn't too fond of doing my push-ups or sit-ups- I just wanted to run. No matter how hard my dad tried to get me to do them I wouldn't. As the years progressed, I was the one leading him up the road instead of him leading me. And then high school- I could finally put on that blue and gold uniform and run for a genuine team. The first thing I heard about was who the fastest runner was in our league, and as luck would have it, she just happened to be in my race. I was a nervous wreck the day of the meet. My dad told me I could do it, but I thought he had too much confidence in me. As we lined up at the starting line I thought I was going to fly away, I had so many butterflies in my stomach. Well, the butterflies must have done something because the next thing I knew I was crossing the finish line in first place. I remember seeing my dad with the proudest look on his face I had ever seen. From that day forward, I vowed to do all the crazy and exhausting training my dad had been trying to make me do for years.

As my dad told me from the beginning, all my hard work did pay off in the end. I received multiple honors for my achievements and was even recognized by many coaches. I am now ready to take that first step into the next phase of my life, with an unyielding will to reach the top. The advice, support, and love my dad provided me with all through my life is ultimately the reason I am where I am today, and where I will be tomorrow.