Undergraduate / 'appreciation at a young age' - prompt #5 [2]

Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

Rough Draft:

I learned to have appreciation at a young age. My family moved from a small brick apartment and into a brand-new white house when I was six. Moving was a big deal, not only to my sister and me, but also to my parents. I did not come from a wealthy family and to be able to call this new house my home was a blessing. My parents moved from a small village in China to the United States, knowing very little English. Completion of high school is the highest level of education they ever received. Lack of a higher education only made them encourage me to do well in school. To settle for anything less than my best was not an option. I did not limit my learning to just academics. I developed a passion for art-especially origami. The idea of creating art by simply folding a square piece of paper amazed me. I spent much of my free time folding. Some classmates would watch the creases in my paper magically transform into the beak of a peace crane. By simply handing a piece of paper to others, I helped my peers find creativity in themselves, a quality they thought to have lacked. Art was not the only thing that interested me. I was involved in many different sports-basketball, volleyball, and track and field. I am not ashamed of being different. I noticed in team photos, I would be the only Asian girl in the group. I had to accept myself before expecting others to accept me. As I looked around, each person had something different to offer. When I think about what I have to offer, I believe I have a good variety. My experience as a family member has shown me to be thankful and appreciative of others. My experience as a student has taught me to not only listen, but apply my knowledge to life situations. My experience as a teammate has given me the skills to work with all types of people and encourage those around me. I use these experiences to face new obstacles each day. Now, I must face the challenges of college. In exchange of my educational mixture, I hope to gain a bright future.

Undergraduate / 'every time I put on my Hilltopper blue jersey' - Short Essay on Activity [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Rough Draft:

Before calling my name to receive a certificate, coach's words were, "She is an important part of this team and has come a long way since freshman year." I found passion in what started as a camp activity, beach volleyball. This interest eventually led me to try out for the high school volleyball team. I loved the energy and intensity of the game. I knew it was going to be a challenge, for I was not blessed with the skills-or ideal height. While I was just beginning my freshman year, other girls were playing for their third or fourth year. It was a risk trying out for the team but one of the best decisions I have ever made. I remember my first day of tryouts was very difficult. When the coach demonstrated a drill, I had to copy these motions but do the opposite because I am left-handed. My muscles were not used to moving these different directions and I could feel it the next morning. One day during practice, everything just clicked. The way my hand hit the ball and how the ball hit my arms to make a pass... Not only did it sound right, it felt right. I dedicated a great deal of time to volleyball. When I was on the court, I gave my best efforts and was always eager to learn. Off the court, I was practicing in my backyard. My improvement was noticed and during my sophomore year I was a starting player on the junior varsity team. During my junior year my coach had confidence in me to fill in the starting right-side position on the varsity team. I had to adjust my footwork and my arm swing. Not only did I learn how to play volleyball, I learned about myself. I saw how much I could accomplish with hard work. We all had a goal and that was to become a final four team in the playoffs. I learned to be a team player, knowing my actions would affect those around me. I was once a beginner and became a role model for girls on JV. If you compare my first game to my last game, I am a different person. I have pride every time I put on my Hilltopper blue jersey. Discipline and focus was the key to success and it took me far. I continue to use the idea of learning and passion beyond the court, allowing me to have an open mind and constantly to try new things.

I need help cutting out some of the non-important stuff and emphasizing the stuff that is needed, thanks !